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Monday, June 30, 2008


I'M SICK FOR THE 3RD TIME THIS MONTH!
ARRGH!
DAMN IT!
seriously hate it man.
why am i just so suay!

i'm half deaf now.
my left ear cannot hear.
this is not a joke at all.
i woke up with a super pain left ear yesterday morning.
it's really terribly PAIN i swear.
and my ear is blocked, cant hear things clearly.
actually this happened since my BIG flu 2 weeks ago.
my ear just feel kind of blocked.
but it was never so painful!

i kept whining and complaining then piggy kept scolding me.
i know she's irritated, i know screaming wont cure my pain but i just cant help it!
痛到我忍不住哭了几次。
sunday afternoon there's no clinic open at my neighbourhood so i went down to yishun 8am-11pm clinic again.
damn long queue.
doctor said it is internal ear infection due to my previous flu.
the phlem outflow from my nose air way to my ear canal, got stuck there and infected my ear.
DOTS >.<

i knew it was really a BAD FLU cuz it took almost 2 weeks to recover.
i even have to go phamacy to buy clarinase cuz my nose refuse to stop running.
my nose was often stuck with toilet paper during work.
it was hell week for me cuz i was either working or giving tuition everyday even though i was sick.
maybe i didnt get enough rest so the illness couldnt recover fast.
just when i thought i'm finally getting well, then this stupid infection came.
it's really 一波未平,一波又起。
haiz.

这几个礼拜一直这样忙下来,
我真的有种快要崩溃的感觉。
好像发钱荒似的,一直让自己不停的工作,也不知道究竟为了什么...
只知道自己好累,好累...
但这一切都是自己自找的,不是吗?
没人叫我一定要每天工作;
没人叫我放了工还出去;
没人叫我生病了还不好好休息...

我一直让自己很忙很忙,好像是想麻醉自己,想逃避一些什么...
有时候真的不想呆在家里,不想看到爸爸,不想面对妈妈...
我已经不知道该做什么、该说什么。
爸爸的病一点起色都没有,而且好像越来越懒,什么都不肯做。
妈妈一直complain她很辛苦,说要不是为了我们两个小的,她早就放弃,不支撑下去了。
我听了真的很心痛...
but i cant do anything to help...
每个人都撑得很辛苦,但再苦还是得熬过去,
只是不知道到底得熬多久;我们熬得过吗?

coming july will really be a hell month for me.
it's a super packed month.
with lots of things on.
1 week hotel job, senior camp II, hall FOC, plus my usual paragon job and tuition.
hope i dont break into pieces by the end of the month.

oh ya i need to apologise to jeanie dear.
sorry for not being able to meet up on that friday.
was really feeling unwell.
dunno when can we meet up again but please do take care.
we still have lots to catch up.
miss you!

珊瑚
@ 3:41 PM


Wednesday, June 18, 2008


ARRGH i'm sick again!
:(
2nd time this month.
1st time was 2 saturdays ago and that time was some allergic reaction when my eyes area swell up like dunno what plus very bad sensitive nose.
got to go a clinic which opens until 11pm and got a jab cuz it was a saturday night.
this time round is super bad sore throat with terrible running nose.
waste so much money just on seeing doctor this month!
why am i still so vunerable to illness!!!

was still anticipating to this week cuz i've a lot of dates but stupidly must fall sick at this time.
already got to cancel KBox session cuz obviously i cant sing with this 'wonderful' voice of mine.
hopefully my body still can make it for the rest of the events.
looking forward to meet old friends!
:)

this month is a packed month.
but i rather it be this way than school reopens have to start studying again.
the more i study the more i lose confidence.
last semester's result is worse than 1st semester's one.
although i tried to console myself that maybe it's dued to so many unpleasant things happening around, i knew it's partly my fault too...
next semester's modules suck!
and all the modules that i'm interested in, either classes timing or exams dates clash!
so pissed off!
planning next semester's schedule is a headache!
plus i still have some JCRC sports stuff to settle.
another headache...
but i haven't been helping much with hall stuff this semester after my family got into this crisis.
feels quite bad...

well i know life still have to go on so i shall fully utilise my time and make it more meaningful.
as for now, i should go sleep, rest and hope that i can get well real soon!

珊瑚
@ 12:18 AM


Sunday, June 15, 2008


it's FATHERS' DAY today.

几天前我就征求妈妈的同意,今天一家人到泰国小食吃晚餐,想说我和妹妹请大家吃一顿。
但可惜这一顿父亲节晚餐似乎没有预料中吃得开心。
因为爸爸吃得不开心。
说这个没味道,那个不好吃...
其实我点的料都是我们平常点的,
只是得了病后的爸爸变得很fussy,很难侍候。
像他以前最喜欢吃的油浸鱼,他一定会把每一块鱼肉吃光,真的只剩下骨头。
但今天他却不敢吃,没什么吃到。
不知道是看到人多所以他紧张还是什么,脚一直在抖、在摇。
有时候在家他也会这样,这已经变成了他的一种坏习惯。

其他人应该没有注意到,吃饭时我掉了几滴眼泪。
因为想到这几个月来家里发生的事,忍不住...
我很清楚的知道,我已经失去了以前的那个爸爸,他不会再回来了...

或许真的是天意弄人吧!
今年二月爸爸被我们送进IMH,诊断后证实患上精神分裂症,从此我们一家的生活起了大改变...
原本以为事情有好转,但上个月他又二度进了医院。
我们再也不敢抱有任何希望了,更不用说什么乐观的想法。
每个人都叫我们要坚强,要往好的一面想,但事实已证明这是没有用的。
精神病不是一天两天就会好的,可能一辈子都不会好...

爸爸现在就像废人一个,做什么事都没有胆,
这个也怕,那个也怕。
这个不肯做,那个不敢做。
一点点就说很stressed.
也不知道他是真的怕还是懒惰,有时候真拿他没有办法。
他现在就像个难侍候的小孩子,常常还需要我们去哄。

这段日子下来,我才发现原来妈妈才是最坚强的那个。
她变了,从以前的那个不为他人着想的母老虎变成了会体谅人的好妻子。
虽然起初都有哭过,但这一路走来,她承受的最多,却也handle得最好。
不像我,受不了就崩溃、就哭。
有时候真觉得自己好没用...
最想不到的是,在爸爸开始病发时,我竟然主动去找学校的counsellor,接受了两个月的辅导。
那时候真的不知所措,大家都不知道该怎么做。
我又不想让妈妈知道我心里好难受,因为我知道她自己也不好受,所以我不可以给她更多负担。
妹妹又不够成熟,不能完全理解家里的改变而开始变得叛逆...

事情不发生都已经发生了,我也开始认命了。
开始对自己的人生麻木了。
maybe it's better to be numb than to feel the pain.
我知道我的人生已不能回到过去,只希望这个家不会散...

我真的好想念以前那个会和我们玩在一起、打闹在一起的爸爸;
那个最疼爱我、最关心我的爸爸...
爸爸,你会回来吗?
不管多久,我都会等你回来...

爸,父亲节快乐...

珊瑚
@ 11:31 PM


Monday, June 09, 2008


i'm finally here to blog again...
while i'm working!

yes, working!
i'm back working at paragon since 24th last month.
well it's really good to be back.
i really love this job, this place, and of cuz the people here.
:)

so much things have happened, as usual.
just as i thought, or rather my family thought that things are getting better,
the cruel reality just have to crush on us.

at the beginning of may i was desperately looking for job.
looked through classified, went to a few job agencies,
but i just cant get any suitable jobs!
super irritated and pissed for being jobless cuz i wanted to earn my own income during the holisdays!
end up i decided to be thick skin and asked wendy if she needs more manpower for this GSS period.
she said she'll get back to me so i waited...
2 weeks, and no news from any company.

then 'suay' enough, dad was hospitalised again.
back in IMH for the 2nd time.
i guess my family is sort of getting numb,
with my dad's illness and all the concerning stuff.
shall talk about this some other time.

went to work as a PC promoter during the week dad was in hospital.
junjie introduced me and i dragged sharon along for that job.
it's a super sucky job!!!!
say PC promoter cum helper,
i think it's more of like 'sai-gang' event helper!
everything also must do, from preparation to set up to promoting.
thank goodness i quit if not i'll be doing delivery and telemarketing.
with just $6/hr and most of us only slept 4-5hrs a day,
this job is a torture.
if i wasnt desperate i really wont take up this offer,
cuz i hate promoting!
i'm just not cut for it.
although it's just selling PCs in primary & secondary schools,
i had a tough time.
i guess everybody else felt the same cuz the products are simply unsellable.
the PCs are lousy and expensive!
but i still have to go around bluffing all the aunties to buy for their children.
felt so sinful!

so right after all the roadshows i QUIT.
worse thing is until now, after 2 weeks plus,
none of us got our pay yet!!!
my 6 days for a pathetic $300+ still hanging somewhere,
dont even know if can get it back.
because the company is a home-based company -.-"
actaully i knew it on the 2nd day of work.
but i guess out of responsibility most of us chose to stay and continue working.
things just dont turn out good.
seems like the boss is really trying to drag or dont give us our pay.
he's a very unorganise person and his marketing skills really suck.
cant blame us that his sale is bad.
his products are the lousy ones.
even if his project fails, he should pay his employees!
ARRGH!
made all of us so pissed.
some of us already decided to file a report to MOM against him if he still refuse to pay us by this week.
once i got my pay, i'll announce to the whole world his HOME-BASED company name and make sure youngsters wont work and suffer under him.
his naggy and fussy mother and auntie can help him since they like to talk and complain about us so much.
i just want my hard earned money now!

ok, enough of ranting.
i'm glad that right after that PC promoter job wendy asked me back for work.
so now i'm happily working back at paragon as my CSO.
i love to serve customers when is they approach us,
unlike promoter is i've to approach people which i dont like.
oh i'm shy you know.
LOL.

i'm still giving one group of tuition now.
so my days will either be working or giving tuition,
and some of the days have to be home to look after dad.
what a life i've.
but i've so much things to do and so many people that i wanna meet!
i need more time more time!

HAIZ.

珊瑚
@ 7:31 PM