ais introduced me to this very nice and touching malay song from the movie "heart".
it's a very sad romance movie.
but this song is very nice!
"my heart" by irwan syah and acha.
it's quite catchy and the chorus is in english!
ais kept playing it at the counter this morning and she taught me how to sing it.
now i'm a bit addicted to it!
haha.



that time learned a japanese song from ais,
this time is malay song.
haha.

i think it's really cool to know a few languages!
and i'm trying to learn japanese now,
with the help of a guide book and a bit of help from ais.
hee.
but it's very hard!
so many different things to learn.
just the writing of words alone have so many types.
what hiragana, katakana, kanji, romaji...
i learned a bit already went blur...
to think that ying actually is studying japanese in university now.
really 'pei fu' her...

i'm still trying to memorise the so called 'han yu pin yin' chart for japanese language.
but it's very different from the chinese one la!
for chinese is 'a o e, i u ü, b p m f, d t n l......'
for japanese is 'a i u e o, ka ki ku ke ko......'
super different,
then must learn how to write and read the different types.
alamak, headache.
but nvm,
i shall persevere!
can seek help from ais and ying,
hee.
strive for my goal!
;)

went party world again yesterday!
rushed over to join ais and luxuan after work.
the previous time went with ais,
she applied for membership so got this voucher for free room charge.
decided not to waste it so went the 2nd time in a month
and this time we asked xuan xuan along.

ais sang her japanese songs and we sang a lot of chinese songs.
watched a lot of MTVs.
sweet ones, sad ones...
oh ya stupid party world 'cheat' our time!
supposed to be free 4hours but we only sang for 3hours plus then they cut the system off.
arrgh.

well, i kind of miss KBox.
phua zai rong better go with me before he enter NS!
bleh :p


havent been feeling well these days.
stupid stomach giving me problems again.
haiz.

1st is constipation.
feel so bloated and full in a way when i never eat,
must be those stubborn shit stuck there!
then i dont feel like eating cuz my stomach doesnt seem to have any space.
so lead to gastric.
since last evening till this afternoon my stomach is in very bad state.

i never felt this much of pain for very long already.
was quite scared and worried cuz dad asked me to go hospital...
the sad thing is he keeps scolding me and say he doesnt wanna care and has no time for me.
ask me to go hospital myself if i'm really in severe pain.
i know he doesnt mean what he said la,
he has always been nagging about my health, i know he's concern too...
but i dont wanna go hospital alone from my work place la!
lucky i feel much better after eating lunch with ais...

but i really HATE my stomach!!!
until now it's still so bloated!
full of gas can!
then i keep burpping since morning.
poor ais must be irritated by the sound i made, haha.
so sorry!

i feel like using a big needle to poke my stomach and let out all the gas!
:(

current obsession:

1) shoes!
i'm very into shoes now! all types of shoes.
from heels to wedges to slippers to sneakers......
just this month i already bought 2 pairs.
and i'm still looking for a new pair of flats.
hee.
now whenever i walk past a shoe shop i'll definitely walk in to look around.
next time shall take a picture of my shoes collection!
but there's no place for me to put them la.
the shoe rack is taken up by other family members especially my mum.
most of my shoes have to be kept in boxes inside the store room.
how i wish i've my own shoe rack!
but i guess that time will only come if i've my own apartment...

2) watching shows!
from young, mum always say i'm a 电视迷.
which is very true.
i love watching television since young.
now that there're more sources to watch shows,
how can i stop myself!
haha.

my favourite sources to watch shows now: youtube and SCV!

addicted to: 港剧 and 台湾偶像剧!
i] 《识法代言人》 on SCV channel55 娱家戏剧台
the law things are kind of interesting!
though i know law is never my cup of tea.
but it's like so cool to debate in court, haha.

ii] 《终极一班》 on youtube
initially watch it because got 飞轮海,
and 炎亚纶 is so cute inside the show!
but the show is a bit lame la,
not as funny as hana kimi,
somemore a lot of parts very 'cold',
sometimes feel like giving the -.-" look.
and i just realise there 20 over episodes!
and i'm at episode10 only?
way to go!
and i've many more shows which i wanna watch, hee.

3) going to HMV to listen to music!
it's a suggestion by ais cuz sometimes we've nothing to do during break when we dont feel like eating.
kind of boring and lonely to eat alone so just grab some finger food or what then go to heeren's HMV.
and the funny thing is i go there will only listen to english songs!
when i seldom listen to english songs in the past.
haha.
the rock&pop section is my favourite hideout!
i'm very into loud music recently.
perhaps like to 'drown' myself in the music?
or maybe i'm just sick of chinese songs, must change taste at times, hee.

addicted to:
i] taking back sunday; louder now
ii] my chemical romance; the black parade

currently obsessed with my obsessions :)

oh my god,
i really forgot to iron that pig's uniform for her.
still happily watching my show on youtube and chatting online until 3plus
then i went to sleep straight away without ironing the clothes!!!
so SORRY!!!
this maid no licence one, paiseh.
the best thing is that pig didnt even realise la.
until i sms her then she called back to scold:
"no wonder i feel that my uniform isnt very neat, thought your ironing skill became lousy.
so is you forget, come back you die!"
haha but of cuz i didnt die, i know she wont bear to kill me, lol.
promised to do it tonight and i just finished ironing.
must do it before i use the computer,
if not i guess most probably i'll forgot again,
haha.

found out a lot of shocking things today!
can get heart attack man.

at night that bitch came to counter to check working roster.
she cant work on some days again and wanted to change days with 1 of us.
whatever la.
she came with the citibank cute guy which fiona and i used to like.
when i first found out that they knew each other i'm already quite disappointed.
then today found out that that guy is a gay!
behind them was a group of gays la.
a bit pity that bitch at that moment,
a girl out with a bunch of gays...

but i'm still so shocked!
cuz my eye candy is actually a gay!
i didnt even realise la!
last christmas when he came counter to pass us some citibank things,
me and fiona were like "oh my god he's so cute!"
but soon after he doesnt work at the paragon's branch already.
though after that he came counter a few times before,
i also cant tell...
until today he talked to us for quite some while.
the way he stands, the way he talks, the way he carries his tote bag...
*faints*
and ais was like "you dunno meh? i knew it long ago."
so me and fiona were so blind...

and why does paragon has so many gays around?!
most of the sales men there are gays can.
it's so obvious!
the way they walk and their gesture,
OH MY GOD!
even those cute guys also.
haiz.
there's this guy from guess which ais says is cute.
he got a very pretty face.
but we suspect he's gay too.
cuz the way he walks is just too sissy.
just hope that he's not one,
i dont want another eye candy to turn out to be gay!

then now kenzo got this new sales man with black frame specs whom i thought is pretty cute.
just that he looks a bit like some 斯文败类,
oops i'm like so bad.
but i still find him not bad looking.
now i'm thinking:
dont tell me he's gay too!
cuz i always see him hanging out with his botak colleague or the sales men from JPG.
and according to ais, they're all gays!
if he's really gay,
i really wanna faint.
cuz i just crowned him my latest eye candy...

ais was telling me dont ever think of finding 'good' guys in paragon.
i guess it's really true.
but why are guys in this industry all like that?!
so sad can.
so it's really true that the society now really have more and more gays and lesbians...
just when i already turn completely straight,
to find out that so many guys are gays.
maybe i should turn crook again and go hook on the handsome butches from cafe beviamo.
lol.

well, i guess the only 'normal' guy is the dickson watch sales man.
another of ais's eye candy.
he looks like those 成熟稳重的人.
but too bad he already has girlfriend i guess.
cuz that time i saw a girl clinging on to him when they walked past the counter.
ah, 好的男人都被别人拿走了啦！

anyway i'm definitely not against homosexuals.
in any case i was also once...
i just hope can have more cute straight guys working at paragon
so that i can have more normal eye candies!
haha.
aiya, actually even if they're really gays,
they can still be my eye candies i guess?
:x

slept at almost 4am in the morning.
wasted my time trying to reformat the stupid PC but failed.
cuz i simply dunno how to do it!
dad told me just put in the recovery disk then it'll run itself.
but it didnt!!!
and i tried so hard to figure it out,
it still didnt work out.
ARRGH!
can some computer pro just come and help me do it?
i really cant stand this PC anymore!
but according to dad,
that time when he brought down the CPU to acer,
the person told him maybe the motherboard is failing and they dont produce anymore spare parts...
which means this PC is dying, 'no medicine can save it'...
and my parents sure wont buy a new one for us.
haiz.

worked same shift with my dear fiona today!
23rd was her birthday!
HAPPY belated BIRTHDAY to her!
bought her favourite packet milo and meji co-co baby for her.
haha :)



i miss working with her!
but only chatted with her at night cuz in the day she was chatting with joann all the time (joann and eleanor worked am shift),
ha nothing can separate this 2 best friends apart.
glad that promotion started cuz at least we've something to do.
even when there's nothing to do we still have to be more alert so we wont feel so drowsy...

a lot to catch up with my dear fiona.
but she was complaining about her boyfriend 'ball' all the time.
both joann and i think he suck.
take my fiona for granted.
arrgh.
but though fiona is complaining and kept saying she doesnt care,
can still tell that she likes him a lot,
cuz after a while she will 'ren bu zhu' and message him.
well, girls are still girls.
haha.
just hope that they can settle their problems in a nice way and everything can go well for them.

oh ya joann's boyfriend came to pick her up from work.
they're so sweet la!
joann is going on shopping spree and her boyfriend promised to pay for everything.
lol.
dunno why i feel very happy for them.
i guess i'm recovering.
finally i wont feel uncomfortable seeing couples around.
in fact now i feel a little happy for the happy couples on the street.
though kind of envy them.
but after hearing fiona's complaints,
i guess singlehood is always better!
haha.
and i'm glad to know that i'm not so sick afterall!
:)

today is sunday.
which means must help my sis to iron her uniform.
and she had already officially declare that i'm her 'iron and wash clothes' maid.
-.-"
1week must help her to iron her clothes twice.
and sometimes must help her to wash certain clothes.
but i'm not paid!
do free labour...
only exception to my darling sis!
hee.
i better remember to do the ironing for her if not she really gonna kill me...

off to watch my shows on youtube then iron that piggy's clothes!

today is my 1st time throwing temper at my colleagues...
hope there wont be a 2nd time.
i'm really sorry about it.
though i dont think it's totally my fault...
i was shocked by myself too.
dunno what's wrong with my sudden mood change...

intially my mood was very good.
was still happily chatting with ais.
somemore two friends came to visit.
lulut came town to buy something so stopped by to have a short chat with me.
not long after that i saw gordon from far.
he was in town to register for MDIS so dropped by to say hi.
*so touched*
really love to see familiar faces at work.
it always makes my day!

but not for today...
cuz my mood turned bad all of a sudden.

1st thing which may have triggered the change of my mood:
eleanor found out that huiting accidentally used the wrong batch of sony $10 vouchers so all the sequences is messed up and she had to clear up the mess before there's more confusion.
i know it's none of my concern since now i dont always do sony redemption like last time
but i just got a little 'bu shuang' though i say i'm not going to care.
i just dont understand why those part-timers who dont work often always tend to mix up the sequences of the vouchers.
i know cant blame them cuz they dont work often.
but cant they be more careful?
it's not the first time already...
ais says people make mistakes.
yes i know that.
but people gets angry too.
dunno why everytime it comes to things regarding work,
i tend to be very particular,
dont like it when things are not in the right way.
sorry...

but i still wasnt very pissed then.
until the 2nd thing came along.

HT: eh tell you all 1st arh, i'm going for the fashion show at 4pm.
me: i'll be going for my break at 4pm leh.
HT: (raising her voice) huh then left 2 people at counter only?
me: yalor. what to do, ais and i have to take turns to go for breaks what. no matter what there'll be a period of time when there's only 2 people at counter.
(thinking in my heart: who ask you want to go for fashion show when you're supposed to work at counter. i know now you having poly work attachment with our management but so what? unless it's A&P people ask you to help out then i got nothing to say, but i bet you just wanna go out of KPO-ness...)

then after a while,
HT: (in a not very nice tone) then you go for break now la!
her tone is like ordering me la.
maybe i'm too sensitive but i just dont like it.
somemore that time is like early past 3 only.
i dont want go for break so early!
and there's no difference cuz there'll still only be 2 people at counter when she leaves for fashion show!

i really dont understand,
why people who started to work upstairs (meaning in the office) seem to be different.
as if they belong to the management, have more 'power' and wanna KPO in a lot of things.
just like the previous office girl...
i just hope i'm thinking too much.
but i really got pissed off by being 'asked' to go for my break immediately.

3rd thing happened straight away.
i saw ais stamping the 'redeemed' chop on tissue paper.

me: what are you trying to do?
ais: this chop got too much ink, i dont like. sometimes it even smudges customers' hands.
me: (raise my voice) dont waste the ink! you dont like then you use the one with lesser ink la.
i like to use the one with more ink! (tries to snatch her chop from her...)
ais: i know you're not in good mood, but no need to vent out on other people what...

this time i really cant take it.
i dont like it when people say that to me.
cuz sometimes when i'm not pissed yet, just merely raising my voice,
(my close friends all know that i tend to speak louder when i'm agitated)
then people assume that i'm angry,
i really end up getting angry.
maybe i just dont like to be reminded that i'm angry and is venting it out at others.
that's the bad part about my character.
i know it myself.
i'm trying to change, sorry...

so i get really pissed.
i slammed my file on the table, pushed my chair back very hard, took my bag, slammed the cupboard and walked out of counter.
and i still can hear huiting saying very loudly "what's wrong with her?"
hello, cant she be more sensitive?
she can always ask when i walk off further right.

i dunno what's got into me.
i was so pissed that i slammed the toilet's door so hard after i went up to 2nd floor.
the loudness that i caused finally 'woke' myself up.
then i realised i just flared up at my colleagues...
haiz.

thanks ais for messaging me to ask if i'm ok and helping me to explain to others.
and i really wasnt pissed with you.
that's not the main cause.
i really dont mean to shout at you!
anyway i'm really SORRY!

well, heard that huiting sort of bitch about me while i was away for break.
was quite upset to know it cuz she said until like i got a lot of bad points?
hmmm.
the fact is she hasnt been working at counter for very long and in the past we didnt work much together.
in what position is she to comment about me?
ais doesnt agree with what she said so they sort of almost quarrelled.
haiz.
i'm not worth to quarrel over la.
i'm just such a trouble maker...

and i really HATE myself these days.
dunno what's with my sudden mood swings.
can be very happy at this moment,
then the next moment i become very sad or pissed.
am i sick?
:(

anyway thanks xuan for dropping by to say hi at night.
so i had 3 friends who 'visited' me at work today.
i should be happy about it......

parents...
sometimes i really wonder what are they for...

or maybe it's just that i dont think my parents are doing their full duty as parents.

beside providing for the family, for our education and our basic living,
what else do they do?
nothing much actually.
at least i cant think of many.
maybe they do love and care for us,
but definitely not enough.

why cant my parents be like other parents who can be more understanding and think of the interest of their children?
why do my parents always think of themselves 1st before sparing a thought for us?

all they know is to scold and nag at us when they know nothing about us,
they know nothing about how we feel and what we're going through.
they dont understand us yet they want us to understand them.
selfish adults.
haiz.

my sis wasnt well this morning but she still went for school and none of us know about it.
i received a call from her at 7plus saying that she was having stomach ache.
i was the 1st person she called cuz she knew i'll definitely go 'save' her no matter what happens.
but i wasnt in a clear mind yet (due to the drinking) and since she said go pick her up at 10am so i just replied "orh" and went back to sleep.
i'm so sorry but i was really tired...

her teacher asked her to call home at 8am, asking 1 of her family members to go pick her up from school.
mum was the one who picked up the call.
then she came into my room and said "eh your sis is having stomach ache, go to her school to pick her up."
hello, i knew my sis was sick before you knew it ok.
and you're her mum, why cant you go fetch her back?
the funny thing is,
when we call dad up,
he said he was having breakfast.
so why cant he take 2hours time off to fetch sis back?
none of them is willing to do it.

so i rushed down to pick my poor sis up from school and send her to the doctor.
and this darling of mine still can tell me "thanks jiejie, you're the best. sorry for disturbing your sleep."
yes i only had 4hours of sleep,
but what to do, i'm not gonna let my dear sis suffer.
i should have woke up when she 1st called me.
really sorry...

and my parents did nothing.
just like last year when my sis had food poisoning and kept vomitting,
my sis went crying to them but they were sleeping like dead logs.
in the end i was the one who cleared up her mess and stayed up the whole night to look after her.
and i only had 2hours of sleep that night.
what 'good' parents we've.

there is always a big distance between my parents and i.
i tried my best to 'pull' this distance nearer,
but end up my parents still 'cut the rope' and we 'drift away' again.
i really dunno what to do.

they're part of the cause of my bad mood some days ago.
i was feeling bad enough but they kept rubbing into it.
asking me sensitive questions and talked about sensitive topics.
maybe i cant blame them cuz they dunno anything,
they dont bother to know.
even if they know,
they wont understand and end up it'll still be my fault.

i wonder when will my parents' thinking be more modern,
especially my mum.
eh even china is more and more open now ok.
but i guess her old china thinking will never change.

i really feel like moving out to live myself when i get into university.
but 1st thing, i've no money and obviously my parents wont pay for me.
2nd thing, i cant leave my sis behind.
haiz.

i know my mum has been complaining about me to my dad and sis these days.
but do i look as if i care?
as long as i know i'm not what she says.
it's a matter of them trusting me or not.

but i really cant wait to 'fly out' of their 'cage' soon.
when can i have my freedom and their understanding...

yesterday was a pretty good day.
had new experiences.

1st time going to do gym in the afternoon.
now i know 1 thing.
aunties go in the morning and youngsters go in the afternoon.
i guess because we're too lazy to wake up early?
haha.
but there were a lot of guys,
felt a bit paiseh :x
lucky yanni was with me!
at least i dont feel that uncomfortable :)

we walked all the way to yishun central to eat desert!
i miss the desert there!
havent been there since i graduated from yj.
i miss the laksa too!
so i 'da bao' lakso home to eat.
just finish gym then eat laksa, SINFUL!
:p

clubbing at night!
havent been clubbing since prom night!
since i lied to parents that i'm going to KBox,
i had to leave house earlier in case they suspect.
but still gotta wait for siying and huiquan to end work,
so i went to esplanade to walk.
suddenly just feel like going there alone to look at the sea...

met up with them and walked down to clarke quay.
left our bags at clinic then throughout the whole night we were 'jumping' between clinic and MOS.
cuz clinic provide 5 free housepours for ladies on ladies night!
but the club is a little small and the dance floor cant even be considered as a dance floor la.
so super small, how to dance?!
MOS is much better with bigger dance floors and nicer music.
but smoove is super packed after midnight.
cant even squeeze into the dance floor.
well they've the nicest music so of cuz everybody flood there.

some things i like about clubbing:
--> loud music
--> alcoholic drinks
--> the lightings and darkness make vision unclear so everybody cant see each other clearly
--> the smoky (both man-made & artificial one) enviroment makes people dizzy, seems like you're going into another world (escaping from reality?)

but i still wont club so often la.
guess it doesnt really suit me.
once in a while would be just great.
and i'll never find a boyfriend who clubs!
same sentiment as siying, haha.

just dont understand some guys.
so irritating.
why must they come over to disturb you,
asking "can we be friends?",
"let's dance together!"
in my mind, there's only 1 word.
DISGUSTING!
feel like asking them to get lost and leave us alone.
sorry i just wanna dance with my friends.
arrgh.

but we werent that crazy la.
didnt really do a lot of dancing.
but i drank 5 alcoholic drinks and 1 juice.
almost got drunk.
after my 3rd drink i was like cant really stand properly.
i was still concious but i knew i wasnt walking straight, haha.
siying and huiquan dont like to drink so they only drank 1 alocoholic drink and juices.
at least there will be people to take care of me if i really got drunk.
but i guess i can hold my alcoholic level quite well?
lol.

cab home at early 2plus cuz i told parents KBox session end at 2am.
stupid cab fare cost me 20bucks!
it's like 'paying off' for the entrance fee and drinks...
i'm sooooo broke now...

guess my next clubbing session will be like another 2 or 3 months time?
haha.
hopefully more people can join then...

was in good mood for the 1st 3/4 of the day.
but the last 1/4 was feeling quite moody...

was happy because i wore a dress today!
finally got a chance to wear the dress i took from mum.
she said it's a bit small for her so i took it over and alter it smaller.
wanted to wear it during CNY period but dint have the chance.
well, i know i'm very rough and dont really suit wearing a dress.
but like other girls, i also like to be girly and princess-like at times...
nothing wrong right?
anyway dresses are in the trend now isnt it?
hee.


spent 1/2 the day at hospital today.
dad and mum spent me to SGH in the morning for my blood test.
was a bit scared cuz had been quite some time since i last took a blood test.
last time is like every few months must take so kind of used to it...
but i was lucky cuz the nurse who took my blood test is a 'shuai ge'!
wahaha.
and his skill is good cuz i dont feel any pain when the needle went into and out of my vein.
but now my vein is a bit swell up...

got to wait 2hours to see my doctor.
so parents accompanied me to have breakfast at a cafe and i accompanied them for lunch at the food court.
saw more handsome guys at the food court!
think they're trainee doctors or nurses.
today must be my lucky day, haha.

mum had lesson on so parents left earlier after lunch.
i waited super long to see the doctor la.
and the stupid doctor said the same old things again.
thanks for wasting my time huh.
and he was so sarcastic cuz he said "you wear until like that how am i suppose to examine you? are you going for prom?"
-.-"
oops, my fault that i forgot about the examination part.
anyway he usually just press my stomach and ask which part is pain.
which i think is redundant la.
cuz if i'm really suffering from any servere pain, i would have came to the hospital long ago.
end up my consultant time is less than 10mins can.
when i waited more than 1hour from my scheduled appointment time.
arrgh.
oh ya my blood test result is normal, hopefully everything's gonna be fine in future too.

went town after that.
chill out session with yanni, tianyi and jingchao at park hotel's starbucks.
(oh park hotel is the previous crown prince hotel! changed name already and i only found out about it recently!)
everybody share their own stories, talked crap...
i love chilling and chatting sessions!

walked past paragon and saw YSL fashion show!
it's just right in front of the counter la.
a pity that i didnt work today.
if not got free show to watch!

one important thing why i'm happy today cuz i finally get to see PHUA ZAI RONG!
went to his counter to talk to him.
but he doesnt look happy to see me.
never even smile.
i feel so sad la :(
well, i'm not those pretty jiejies ma...
bleh :p
and he also say i look like i'm going for prom!
hello nobody will wear like that go prom ok!
haiz.

started to get moody after that.
tianyi saw something unpleasant and i heard something unpleasant.
so both of us were quite moodless although we were sort of shopping around.
went to eat at food republic cuz all of us were hungry...
all of us tried to say some jokes to lighten up the atmosphere, thanks!

left town and yanni and jing wanted to go the night market at khatib so i accompanied them.
saw a lot of cute and cheap stickers!
i feel like buying!
though i dunno what i'll do with them.
but they're really nice!
shall go back and get them some other day, hee.

after some thinking,
i guess i shouldnt be moody anymore.

feel like telling somebody but i dunno how to say it...
dont worry cuz i'll get on with life.
i wont indulge myself in the past memories anymore.
i dont want to repeat the same mistake which sort of cause our failure.
indulging in past memories wont help in improving the future...
i'm going to live better than you!
i swear i will.
all the best to you too :)

looking forward to tomorrow!
this time my off day is so close to the previous one.
going gym with yanni in the afternoon
and clubbing at night with siying and people!
eh i bluff parents i'm going kbox to celebrate friend's bday.
hee.
just let me go wild and crazy for one day to throw away everything!

the world above the counter:




i thought it's pretty (but ais & huiting say it's ugly, ha).
i like to look up when there's nothing to do.
dunno why i just feel good staring at it.
i feel more calm and more relax...

new promotion starting soon.
cant wait for it to start so that at least we've something to do.
and singapore fashion festival is coming!
starting in april if i'm not wrong.
there's gonna be fashion shows at paragon!
looking forward to see the handsome and pretty models!
hee.

A BIG THANK YOU TO
PHUA ZAI RONG!

well, i'm a good girl who keep my promise (he says i must blog about it, lol).
haha.
but this thank you is really from the bottom of my heart.
he's the first person who called to ask "are you ok?"
i'm really touched.
thanks a lot for the concern.

and yes mr phua,
I MISS YOU!
haha.
i know he'll say he's fainting.
but it had been some time since i last see him at his work place.
our working timing just doesnt match,
sad :(
i miss going to his counter to disturb him at work!
nothing wrong about that right?
haha.

anyway i really miss a lot of my friends.
especially those which havent meet up for so long.
it's only these few weeks when we're free to meet up,
i realise how important these friends are,
they're part of my life which cant be erased.

and to those out there who are equally concern about me,
people like xingling and yanni who sent me messages of regards a few days back,
siying and the girls who are always there for me,
the rest of my friends,
a big thanks to all of you!

right now i cant possibly answer that i'm okay or what so ever.
but i promise i'll be fine,
just gimme some time ok!
one thing is, dont keep telling me to 'move on with life'.
i really hate that phrase.
i know life goes on and i'm indeed living on,
but i'm not ready to move into a new phase in life cuz i dont think i can handle it.
must do one step at a time isnt it.
by keep tell me to 'move on',
i'll just feel irritated (especially if you're part of the cause of my emo-ness)...

i'm really trying very hard to be strong,
just cheer me on and support me ok.
and dont worry,
i wont bother anybody in future even if i'm sad or what,
i'm sorry for bothering people like zai and siying in the past.
and i'm really grateful to them for listening to all my shit.
but i dont want to cause trouble to anybody anymore.
i'll learn to stand strong on my own.
i'm sure i can do it with the supports from my friends.
:)

AHHHHH!
I'M GOING DEAF SOON!

the unit right above my house is doing some renovation!
SUPER DUPER NOISY!!!
i cant sleep or watch shows!
ARRGH!

and the stupid computer is down again.
say want to reformat since 1 month ago,
until now nobody bothers to do it.
i dont dare to do it cuz i'm a computer idiot!
i scared i'll only make things worse.
HOW!

i really cant wait to get my own laptop!
can i dont wait until i get into university?
though i know buy through school will be cheaper...

now using my parents laptop,
i cant upload pictures, cant download things...
haiz.

ah the DAMN NOISE is back again!
though today i'm starting work at 6pm,
i swear i'm getting out of the house soon!
i rather go out to rot than becoming deaf!
:(

finally get my off day after 9 days of working!

but i've plans and activities from morning till night.
haiiiiizzz...

supposed to meet junhao for mac breakfast in the morning.
but he said he had something on last min.
hmmm, i dont really like to be pangseh.
somemore tell me so late.
and this is the 2nd time he pangseh me when he was the one who asked me out in the 1st place!
next time not free then dont ask people out ma...
so he owe me a BIG one!
i dont care!
bleh :p

since i'm all changed and cant get back to sleep,
i dragged that pig out of bed to go eat mac breakfast with me.
i miss mac hotcakes!
oh uncleG was still there.
he tonned overnight to study!
so hardworking.
anyway all the best to those having block tests when sch reopens.
mug hard! :)

ah ba, siying and huiquan came to my house in the afternoon to register online for university.
it's ah ba's idea, cuz she dunno where to find the buttons on the website by herself.
with huiquan's help we managed to do it faster.
thank you!
anyway i feel so paiseh cuz my house was in a mess, especially my room.
usually i dont dare to invite people up, haha.
and i'm a bad host cuz i've to leave them to my pig sis as i already planned to meet up with gordon in the evening.

finally get to meet up with my kor after so LONG!
our previous meet up was last may la.
almost 1year ago can.
it's not easy for us to find a common day to meet up...

he brought me to tong shui cafe at liang seah street (behind bugis junction).
it's a very nice place!
very china style but the food there is very unique.
they've the usual chinese food and also western food in chinese style,
or maybe it's hongkong style cuz it is a 香港茶餐厅.
i love their concept!


hongkong ice milk tea in special jar.
isnt it cute? hee.


my food! ham and pineapple baked rice in dim sam tray!

a pity that i didnt try their desert cuz my stomach is too small.
haha.
shall eat there again next time!
thanks kor for the treat!
but i really dont understand, why must guys always pay for girls?
they dont even let me pay for my share.
haiyo, wont die right.
guys ego and 面子 problem.
*shakes head*

we spent almost 3hours there eating and chatting.
so much to talk about since we havent meet up for so long.
thanks for all the advise!
he's really a good big brother to have.
:D

gordon left to meet his (so called) girlfriend for movie and i went town to meet johnson.
it's not in my plan but i wanted to buy bodyshop stuffs and johnson called today to say that he is going down.
can get discount from his friend ma.
hee.
so i bought a lot of stuffs.
yay i feel so happy!
but i'm very broke now too (even though i already got lots of discount).
and it's only mid of the month!
sad.
and i suddenly feel like shopping!
now is spring/summer so there is a lot of new arrivals for everything.
my shopping mood is back though i said i'm not suppose to shop after spending so much in january.
HOW!
:(

i dropped by paragon to see felicia and joann before i left town.
pity them.
that bitch pangseh and didnt turn up for work again and ais wasnt feeling well so went home halfway.
so 2 of them survive the whole day by themselves.
poor thing.

oh and guess what,
to my surprise,
siying and huiquan were still at my house when i was about to leave town!
according to them, after i left to meet gordon,
3 of them and my sis went mac to eat then watch some basketball tournament.
after that ah ba went home while siying and huiquan came back my house and played mahjong with my sis.
haha.
they're my friends but end up my sis is the one who is accompanying them.
so sorry for not being able to stay with you girls!
but i'm very glad that my sis can get along well with my friends!

they came out to meet me when i reached khatib and we went to the night market opposite khatib station.
yay there's night market!
which means there's a lot of food!
hee.

it's my off day but i dont get any rest.
hmmm.
but i think today is more meaningful than working!
:)

自从发现我什么都还没放下开始，
我就一直很难受。
可是每天却还得装成一副若无其事的样子，
继续面带笑容...

可是又有谁知道？
又有谁能了解？
我又能告诉谁？

有时候我真的觉得我有病。
心里好像有点不平衡。
看到年轻或是学生情侣手牵手或亲亲我我，
我会感到很不自在。
一直瞪着他们，甚至“吊”他们。
后来想想，
觉得自己好恐怖。
我又不认识他们，他们也没得罪我，
我干嘛有这种反应...

just like yesterday on my way back,
i was sandwiched by 2couples in the train...
我只能闭起眼睛，
什么都不看。
希望看不到，
就不会去想...

但是有时还是会去想一些如果，或许的事...
if only i can turn back time,
我会收回10月22日说的话。
或许这几个月来所发生的事都不会发生。
现在的我也不会一直工作来麻痹自己，
而是陪他等待他进兵的日子...
但我知道这些都只能成为我一辈子的遗憾...

有时自己一个人在搭地铁的途中会流眼泪...
一个人在家时会发狂似的大叫...
感觉上好像自己真的有点神经质...
好可怕！

我很怕，
不知道为什么自己会变成这个样子。
我讨厌这样的自己！！！

原来我也是个拿得起，放不下的人...

好想找回以前的自己，
那个坚强独立的自己，
那个不会轻易掉泪的自己，
那个天不怕，地不怕的自己...

突然好像与世隔绝，
到一个没有人的地方，
自己静一静...

我知道身边还有很多关心我，疼爱我的人，
我很感谢他们。
但我也知道只有我能救我自己，
我得学会成长，学会坚强...

懂得放手，才会快乐。

我很清楚这一点，
但我不想像上次那样，
以为自己已经放下了，
在发生一些事情后却发现原来我一直在骗我自己。

或许时间真的可以冲淡一切，
但这种事情也急不来吧。
我会很有耐心的让心情恢复，
等这一切结束...

YESTERDAY

my 9th working day in a row.
and i feel like crying these few days when i'm at work.
cuz it's SUPER DUPER BORING!
you can really bored to tears.

and everytime i work pm shift,
i'll 打包菜饭 from my neighbourhood and bring it to work then eat during break.
so i'm eating 冷饭 most of the time,
but it's much cheaper than eating in town!
yes i'm stingy :p
and i dont really like to walk out and eat alone somewhere...
though when i 打包 i'm also eating alone outside din tai fung.
my colleagues say that look even more pathetic and embarrassing.
ha, whatever la.

lucky today i've ais and huiting to accompany me while i was eating outside din tai fung.
ais and i 偷偷 go for break together but she never eat and that huiting 是在吃蛇 cuz she's supposed to be in office doing her work!
at least i dont look so idiot sitting there and eating alone.
ais and i went to shop at toys 'R' us after that and went to get free popcorn from paragon junior.
ha we're like to childish.
but we've nothing better to do and it's too boring at the counter!

at night we played one and a half hour of 'dai di' la.
so sinful.
then some customers saw us playing.
oops.
better dont let the management people see.
hee.
oh, and my 'dai di' skills suck.
cuz i lost almost every game.
but play between 2 people,
it's either lose or win.
but i always 输得好惨！
:(

drop by khatib mac after work to visit uncleG.
it's a last min plan.
he was studying there the whole day and asked if i want supper.
people are nice enough to invite me so i must be nice to go say hi.
chatted for almost an hour then i quickly go home before parents start nagging again.

sometimes i really feel glad that i still have friends out there who are concern about me,
who will make the effort to ask me out to catch up with each other.
我是幸福的，不是吗？
可是为什么我的内心还是觉得那么孤单寂寞...

changed shift with ais so that i can work am shift.
met up with liying and peisee after work.
supposed to have gathering with them plus yibo and leehau.
but end up bo bo had to work OT last min and leehau is already back in malaysia!
we planned to have a farewell for her today,
only to know that she went back her hometown last weekend.
miscommunication :x

had pepperlunch.
AGAIN.
my 4th time in 2months.
i'm quite sick of it already.
so no more pepperlunch please...

went to chill at shaw house's outdoor mac.
we havent sit down to chat for so damn long.
i miss our secondary school clit lessons slacking days...

chat about our lives...
share stories...
it's fun to know about what happened in other schools.
i kind of miss schooling days,
haha.

and i miss these friends of mine.
we hardly have chance to meet up now.
it's really nice to see them and chat.
though some topics we talked about are so unrelated...

but i really feel good to know that at least i've these friends around.
:)


今天最值得高兴的事应该是ais和她的男友make peace了。
like finally.
after 2weeks.
所以现在算是和好了吧？
哈哈。

两人在一起，
一定要会包容和迁就吧。
虽然ais口头上还是会抱怨，
但看得出来她是开心的。
雨过天晴了，
我也为她高兴。
希望他们可以一直幸福快乐！

为她感到高兴的同时，
不知道为什么自己开始感到心酸起来...
听着她讲起她的男友，
i just cant help 想起以前的他...

很爱搞笑，
说的笑话有时很白痴
but you'll just cant stop laughing.
你不高兴时他总是有办法弄你高兴。
但有时候你会因为他的吊儿郎当感到生气...
哈，他们还真的好像...

想念以前的他...

arrgh.
i was not allowed to stay over at ais's house yesterday.
damn.

i really dunno what's wrong with my parents.
i'm being honest enough to tell them what i'm doing.
but end up they still dont wanna trust me.
or i should say they always like to suspect and doubt others.
they were like "where got people so nice, invite you up for dinner and even stay over."

hello!
she's my colleague ok!
not any outside people!
and of cuz she's NICE!
and i'm telling the truth!
it's not like i'm going out to play and not going home.

i never tell a lie to my parents for very long can.
dunno why ever since i finish A level i'm like more guai,
go where, go out with who, what time going home i'll also report to my dad.
i thought we can trust each other more now.
but they've just turn down my chance to be more guai.
ok forget it,
since they doubt me and my friends,
dont blame me for lying the next time.

the most pissed thing is,
mum even went to scold my dear mei mei!
say she always help me keep secrets and cover for me,
complains that i'm getting from bad to worse.
and if i really turn to be SUPER BAD in future,
it'll also be my sis's fault.
whatever can!
what has it to do with my sis!
for the past whole week we havent been talking much too cuz she was busy with school and i'm busy with work!
everytime i came back from work (cuz i work mostly pm shift this month) she was already asleep due to tiredness.
she also dunno anything!
mum's the one who dunno anything yet still want blame it on my darling sis.
ARRGH!

anyway i had a nice time at ais's house yesterday!
THANKS ais! :D
just that the time is not enough!
all my stupid parents' fault not to let me stay over...

we worked am shift together then took bus back to her place.
stupid peak hour, people all end work at that time,
so crowded and there was traffic jam!
we took 1hour to get back can!

ate curry chicken!
ais's mum's cooking is FANTASTIC!
the curry gravy is so thick and nice!
hee.
thanks auntie!

watched bleach anime and tokyo juliet on ais's computer.
then went to play her TV cube game in the living room after her mum finished watching TV.
the mario games are kind of cute and it's fun!
and dunno why i always choose the frog as my character...
but i kept losing :(
must practice more, so must go up to ais's house more often,
haha.

rushed off to take a bus home cuz i had to get home before midnight.
i didnt know there is straight bus back home.
was running to chase after a bus going to toa payoh interchange but still missed it.
saw 853 but didnt dare to board cuz dunno is it the correct direction.
until i saw 857, i decided to just go up and asked.
was so happy that the bus driver said it's going to yishun.
wanted to tell ais that i actually have straight bus home so was sms-ing.
then the bus stopped suddenly and...
I FELL DOWN!
cuz i was standing without holding on to anything.
somemore i was carrying a bag and holding a paper bag.
passengers behind me tried to grab me from my back.
and those sitting down all stared at me with big wide eyes.
(the bus was quite packed with all the seats taken up and some people standing.)
AHHHHH!
so ma lu can!
i felt so paiseh la!
*bury my face*
:x

lucky i managed to reach home at 12midnight sharp...
i know parents are unhappy with me now (just because i wanted to stay over),
cuz we aint talking much.
especially mum.
we didnt talk the whole morning.
whatever la.
i still went home didnt i?
and all i did was asking for their permission.
isnt that good enough.
haiz.

10032007

ALL girls! :D



candid! :p



thanks camera provider ah ba and photographer aaron!
:)

i'm so bloody pissed with this bitch colleague of mine.
damn her!
always pang seh us.
last min then say she cant work.
bloody hell.

i was so damn tired cuz i slept at 5plus in the morning after watching 《终极一班》on youtube.
then at 9plus i heard mum's voice in my room, guess she was talking to my sis.
and my sleep 被打断了！

at 10am, my handphone rang.
i was thinking, i remembered i set my alarm at 10.30am,
why it rang so early?
it was felicia calling to say her working partner told her she's not feeling well so not turning up for work.
but felicia doesnt have counter key and she never do opening alone!!!
she has to get security to let her have access to level17 office to dig key from weng's desk la.
and i jumped out of bed, grabbed some clothes and left house in 30mins.
arrgh.
so today i work from 11am to 10pm!
2hours earlier then suppose to!

maybe it's our fault that we didnt tell that bitch that ais change shift with felicia last min last night.
but she also never tell ais she wont turn up for work!
so irresponsible can!
and this already happen a few times!!!
she is the one who always pang seh us,
still wanna complain that her working hours getting lesser.
and i bet today is because she went to club yesterday night.
that's what she told ais on friday.
BITCH!!!

make my day so messy and screwed up.
arrgh.
i'm boiling!
as in really boiling!
having slight fever and sore throat again!
guess i dont have enough sleep...

work a lot with ais these days.
we're like always throwing our sorrows to each other and sharing stories.
maybe cuz these few days we're not in good mood, too emotional...
thanks ais! i hope i'm not bothering you!
let's cheer up! :)

anyway it's nice to work with her!
we were playing 'dai di' with the mini poker cards from 8-days during our last 30mins of work
wahaha.
so bad of us.
bleh.

i wanna go ais's house to stay over tomorrow!
hopefully dad will allow...

越想越觉得昨天发生的事很荒谬。

just when i was rushing down to meet the girls,
my handphone rang and i thought it was them calling to ask where was i.

but to my surprise,
it was 某一个人。

我当然会觉得高兴，
因为从来都没想过他会再主动找我，
还以为我走运了...

接了电话，
他的第一句话是：“你知道我是谁吗？”
我心里想：废话，我有caller ID 好不好，而且我的记忆力没那么差...
then he told me who he was, and said something which to me,
is not very pleasant to hear.

他说他和前女友patch up 了，
she saw the sms i sent him in the past and wasnt happy about it.
and he asked if he could delete them.

laughs.
isnt it a stupid question?
how am i suppose to react to it.
faints.

我当然不可能说：“NO!”
so i said “since you already patch up, just erase everything.” and put down the phone.

那一刹那，我差点哭出来。
但我想我的眼泪早就流干了...

真搞不懂他的用意。
is he trying to respect me by asking for my permission?
可笑！
我觉得很多余。
这样子不是更伤害我吗？
i know i always think too much.
but i guess maybe he was just trying to find a chance to tell me they already patch up...
i dont care cuz it’s his own choice.

i just thought it’s childish.
his girlfriend is childish, so is he.
as in 我不会要我以后的男朋友把他和前女友的有关东西扔掉或是不让他们联络。
这是幼稚和小气的举动。
it’s his past, he has the rights to keep it.
and if the guy knows how to think and have his own stand,
he should try to keep his own past.

the more shocking thing is,
从友人口中得知原来某一个人竟然是call了她a few times to get my number.
证明他连我的contact也delete了。
有这个必要吗？
所以现在连朋友也不要做了...

随便他吧。
我只知道男人的话根本不能相信。

一下子说爱你，
一下子说忘不了以前喜欢的女孩。
一下子要你跟他在一起，
一下子说不想连累你。

搞笑。

我已经不懂他们几时说的话可以信，
几时不能信。
whatever la.

我只知道我现在只能靠自己，
因为只有自己是最可靠的。
我相信我自己，
也相信有因果报应。

曾经最想见到某一个人，
因为我知道他不会出现在我面前。
但现在他最好不要出现在我面前，
因为我最不想见到他...

如果他连朋友都不要做，
我没话说。
相识一场，
still wanna wish him all the best...

虽然少了一个朋友，
但我知道我还有很多要去珍惜的人...

SATURDAY, MARCH 10, 2007

seems like the world just crashed down on me.

just as i was happily going to meet the girls,
something bad must happen.

sorry girls if i've made you worried or scare you.
i guess i'll be fine...

met up with the girls for dinner after work.
ate at marina square's pizza hut.
a pity that felicia has wedding dinner so cant join us.
but we've new members like aaron, jean and huiquan.
they're already the girls' recognised 'jia shu' and we always welcome them to join us anytime, hee.
and of cuz we've zul and fahizul joining us but they left after eating.
so sad.
next time shall have a gathering for both the girls and guys!

i miss chatting with the girls and their accompany.
being with them always make me happier and at least allow me to forget my unhappiness at that point of time.
and i do hope that we'll always be there for each other...

chatted with some of them (the rest went back first) till 11plus.
was chatting about our future like which schools to choose, what courses to study and stuffs.
seems like everybody sort of know their paths.
i'm just wondering...
do i really know what i really want?
until now i still cant really make up and my mind...

i cant sleep.
i'm feeling terrible but i've no more tears.

guess i should go watch some show to relax...

FRIDAY, MARCH 09, 2007

met up with jeanie dear!
went to the building (after crown prince hotel, with the HSBC bank) to have stabucks.
i miss our chilling and chatting sessions at starbucks with our fraps!
cuz the previous two times we changed location to balcony.
glad that we're back at starbucks!
and i think this branch is nice.
they've a lot of sofa there!
plus the enviroment is pretty good.
next time can go there to study, hee.

a lot to catch up with dear.
was a bit worried at least cuz she looked quite unhappy.
and she said she was sianz.
i thought she doesnt like to see me :(
but she was just tired i guess?
anyway just wanna tell her that i'm really honoured that she still wants to meet up and chat with me.
cuz apparently she doesnt feel like meeting or talking to certain people now.
and i'm sorry for having to leave early for work when we're supposed to eat dinner together.
so sorry.
didnt manage to spend much time together.
we shall make up for it ok!
i promise!

she said something which inspired me and i agree with her.
all these years we've been living and following the so called correct path that others want us to,
it's time we do what we really want!
dear, all the best for your future.
strive for your goal and i'll support you all the way!
:)


java chip frap, chocolate chip cream frap & big tuna sandwich with chips!
*yummy*




i'm supposed to be on off!
but went back to work 6-10pm cuz eleanor had fever and couldnt turn up for work.
so nobody do closing with felicia.
since i'm a workaholic,
i went back to help.
so nice right.
bleh.

THURSDAY, MARCH 08, 2007

didnt wake up early as planned.
woke up at 10am and still went for my jog!
mum said i was crazy cuz the sun is out and i might get heatstroke.
lol.
who cares, somemore i havent been out in the sun for so long.

so i went to the stadium but there was sports heats for a primary school.
ended up jogging around the outer fencing of the stadium.
i'm so sad that my stamina dropped a lot!
cant even finish 2.4km in 20mins!
i dunno if i pushed myself too hard or what.
my heart was beating very fast and very hard.
scare me.
i dont want to recover from my other illness and then my heart murmur comes back!
come to think of it,
i seem to have a lot of illnesses.
maybe one day i'll just faint on the road and...
choy choy choy! *touch wood*
but it did happen before...
arrgh.
cant i be a healthy normal person...

met up with quincy wifey in the afternoon!
had been sooooo long since we last have a good chat.
went to eat at prata house!
and he ordered so much food until we couldnt finish.
stomach was bloated!
anyway thanks for the treat :)

he didnt change a lot from the past.
but he's more man now!
the sad thing is people still mistook him as a girl at times.
haha.
well he has a pretty face, cant blame.


had a nice chat with him.
feels great knowing that my friend is doing well in poly and listening to his plans for his future.
admired his determination to fulfill his dreams.
but for me...

saw this st nics junior of mine at prata house.
she happens to be one of my primary school classmate's sister.
she was with a butch from ITE.
seeing her is just like seeing my past.
so wild and so playful and dont care about her studies.
i still remember a few years back when she just entered the school,
her father asking me to 'look after' her.
well, sorry but there's nothing i can do.
i was once that bad too.
and i hope that i'm much better now.
i just feel sad to see her like that...

oh ya i bought 2 pairs of heels!
thanks quincy for shopping with me, hee.
my stupid habit of spending money when i'm not in good mood.
but it feels good to clear some things off your wish list!
bought my white heels and the P.O.A wedges.
lalala.



and i got my contact lens!
but it's super expensive la.
180bucks for 7 pairs.
thanks to my stupid 'san guang'.
if not just for the short sighted alone wont be so expensive.
my degree is actually quite low.
and i've lazy eyes!
left side only 50degrees but right side is 200degrees!
maybe that's the reason why i've one eye bigger than the other, lol.
but my 'san guang' for both eyes is quite high.
actually i can go without specs but realise now i cant see the numbers on the wall of the counter.
as in i cant differentiate the digits '8' & '6' and '6' & '5' when the counter wall isnt far from where i'm sitting.
so is my 'san guang' problem.
and i dont want to wear specs to work!
'ai mei' ma, haha.
so no choice, must go make contacts.
but i'm so super scared to wear it.
must be so careful when putting in and taking out.
and quincy was laughing at me when i was screaming away during my trial.
but i still succeed, yay.
have to experiment with it myself the next few days.


during work, ais taught me how to sing the japanese song she sang that day.
i love that song la.
'over' by fayray.
super sad song.
like the last sentence of the chorus:
still believe you and me, but it's over...

i wanna learn to speak japenese!
so that i can talk to the japanese customers.
cuz most of them cant speak english!
i dont understand what they're asking me and i dunno how to reply them.
faints.
some times i'm thinking,
why come to singapore when u cant speak english!!!
i mean when you go overseas, it's always better if you can speak the universal language right.
but i think japanese language is kind of cool.
shall try to learn some (if i've the time, hee)!

dunno why i was so tired or what,
i couldnt wake up in the morning.
from 7am to 11am i keep opening my eyes and closing them again.
having some bad dream which i couldnt get myself out of it...

when i finally woke up,
i felt a sudden rush of emptiness into me...

thanks to the stupid hospital nurse who called at 11am to inform me that the doctor had something on so asked me to reach half an hour earlier.
if not i guess i'll still continue to struggle in my dream.
but i cant remember what dream was that,
i just dont feel good...

and i manage to free myself from the stupid medication!
at least for the next half a year.
cuz the doctor asked me how was my last 3months of medication.
i gave her a stern look and said "i dont like it!"
she was shocked and ask why.
"i just dont like it and i dont wanna rely so much on it. i just want to go normal for a while and see how."
lucky she agrees to it.
i won! hee.
but i'm still on gastric medication,
which i dont think i can be easily freed from it.
another hospital appointment again soon,
my gastric check up will be on 20th...

oh ya, thanks dad for taking leave to fetch me for my check up.
NUH is not an accessible place to go...


with dad while waiting for my check up,
sharing my ipod to entertain ourselves :)


DATE with ais in the evening!
singing at party world is so expensive!
at least much more expensive than KBox from what i know.
but they've better things la.
better drinks and tibits, they evn have wet tissues for us.
but of cuz, those are all included in the bill.
and it's complusory to have them, so...

but it's a good experience being my 1st time there.
beside the fact that it's super cold and i'm freezing and shivering there,
and my throat hurts now after 4hours of singing, ha.

we sang all the fahrenheit's songs followed by jay chou's songs.
then just anyhow pick songs that we know how to sing.
and ais can sing well!
especially those japanese songs!
she sang malay songs too!
so cool to know different languages...

i thought we really gonna let out everything,
but end up we werent that crazy afterall...
though i tried to get myself 'high',
the effect wasnt good cuz the songs we sang are mostly love songs or sad songs.
hmmm...
sorry. i'm like of not much help...

pictures time! :D











conculsion: i HATE my small eyes!
and i dunno why they look extremely small today.
arrgh.

在上班的路上，
靠着地铁的门窗，
看着窗外的天空，
突然觉得世界真的很奇妙，
大自然真的很美妙。

离开家时义顺正下着倾盆大雨，
我还message妹妹告诉她，
叫她如果没带伞就等雨停了才回家。
谁知道到了宏茂桥雨就小很多了。
到了乌节路，那里都还没下过雨，
只是天有点灰灰的。
坐下来工作没多久，
外面才开始下起大雨...

新加坡这么小的国家，
同一片天空下就有不同的天气...

记得《远远在一起》的chorus里这么写着：

还是爱着你
只是我们之间有了距离
远远爱着你
就算不能够在靠近
同样的天空下总会有你

但事实证明了，
同样的天空下可以有着不同的天气，
天公在同一个时候可以有不同的心情。
人在同一片天空下，
也会有不同的遭遇。

同样的天空下有你，有我。
但你可能在有大太阳的天空下，
而我却在下着大雨的天空下。
所以就算在同样的天空下，
并不代表什么...

就连自然界里也有不公平，
有些地方下雨，有些地方没下雨。
难怪世上有那么多不公平的事...

大自然是美妙的，
世界是奇妙的。

hana kimi last episode was disappointing.
yes it's funny,
but come to think of it,
it's kind of lame and dumb can.
the ending is like no ending.
and i dont really understand the last part after the ending.
ok maybe i'm the dumb one.
ais says maybe they gonna have part2.
whatever la.
now must find new shows to watch on youtube!

and thanks to watching it,
i was almost late for work.
and thanks for the stupid big rain,
i've to rush in the rain and got wet even with an umbrella.
arrgh.
i really hate rainy days!
these 2weeks have been raining so often.
i thought the rainy season supposed to be over?!
now i've no choice but to carry umbrella with me when i go out cuz you dunno when it'll rain.
stupid weather.

was still quite happy in the day
but now after leaving house for work,
i'm not happy anymore.
guess my mood has been affected by certain things.
haiz.

thought ais is not in good mood again cuz she didnt talk to me at all during my 1st one and a half hour of work.
luckily it's just because she's too engrossed in reading her story book.
after she finished it,
we kept chatting all the way until work end.

we've big plans for tomorrow!
since she took leave and i'm off for hospital appointment,
we shall meet up at night and enjoy ourselves!
going party world to sing karaoke!
we keep calling party world and KBox and were choosing which one to go.

i know she isnt in good mood recently due to relationship problems.
so i shall be nice and accompany her!
hee.

but i know that's just my excuse.
she's also accompanying me in another way.
guess i really need to let out too.
let out everything.
the more i try to suppress things,
the more i feel that i gonna explode...

so we shall go sing our lungs out and let out everything!

i manage to wake up early today!!!
haha.
woke up at 8.30am (half an hour later than what i planned)
and went to do gym at 9plus!
the feeling of doing workout is SOOOOO nice!
lalala!

shan is happy today!
cuz she kept her promoise and exercise.
and she shall make it a habit to exercise often!
i wanna be healthy and fit again,
dont like the feeling of being treated like a patient...

but now i know why mum doesnt like to go to the gym anymore.
cuz those aunties......
made me so pissed too.
they think the machines are theirs is it,
use for so long and let their friends jump queue.
be considerate and let others who are waiting have a chance to use ma.
typical aunties...
*shakes head*

workout for one and a half hour.
burnt 365 calories!
yay!
and i havent eat until now (except for munching on some CNY goodies, hee).
later at 4pm before i go for work then go eat,
if not i'll feel hungry in the midst of work.
just like yesterday, ate too early and i'm so hungry after work!
my appetite seems to be better,
guess it's a good sign.
but most of the time i still stick to 1 meal a day,
with a lot of snacks! hee.

guess mum is right.
it's time for me to think about my future...
shall make plans for my future and resolutions for myself!
give me some motivations please!

looking forward to thursday and friday cuz i'll be meeting up with wifey and dear!
but tomorrow i've NUH appointment :(
the damn doctor better dont ask me to eat whatever medicine again!

oh ya hana kimi episode15 is out!
last episode already!
shall go watch it now.
lalala.

true enough,
i didnt wake up to jog.
bleh.

iron my sis's uniform till 4am la.
and i laze around on the bed until...
12NOON!
so pig right.
hee :p

i realise i watched a lot of television these days.
nothing much to do at home what.
it's either watch tv or sleep.
i just switch on the tv and watch,
keep changing channels until i'm happy.
watch SCV shows, cartoons, MTVs...
and beside tv,
there's youtube!
i love youtube!
lalala,
i'm a tv freak, show freak!

okay i shall go prepare for work now.
must go early to collect my pay.
yeah finally got some money again!
hopefully today's 4hours of work will be over soon.
then i can go home watch tv!
and i shall sleep early tonight so tomorrow can wake up early to jog!
or maybe i should go do gym, hmmm...
that's if i can wake up.
haha.

i really dont like to reject people...
but sorry...

想了整晚，
我决定不再逼自己说自己已经放下了...
或许妹妹真的是最了解我的人，
也许她是对的。
她一直认为我还没真正放下...

我想是吧...
我越是逼自己说放下了，
越是放不下，
所以我不要再承认我已经放下了...

尤其最近发现一些实事后，
还是会很难过，
甚至有种讨厌的感觉...

我很清楚到了这个时候
还有这种乱七八糟的感觉，
证明我果然真的还没放下...

我放不下的不是人，
是感情...
不明白为什么事情会演变成这样子...
不能接受自己的失败，
不能挽回的失败...

我什么都没放下，
放不下的事情太多了，
放不下另一个人，
一个我没有机会好好去爱的人，
一个不会再出现在我面前的人...

我真的不想再去想感情的事情，
不是现在。
我知道我还需要时间...

所以，
不要再逼我，
不要再问我，
我真的不想在这种时候谈感情的事...
对不起...

right now,
i just wanna be friends with everybody...

yesterday was the last day of CNY.
is 'yuan xiao jie'.
chinese tradition is the whole family must get together and eat 'tang yuan'.

well, we bought a pack of 'yu sheng' back too.
my 3rd time this CNY i guess.



now i still feel very full la,
with the 'yu sheng' and a bowl of 5 'tang yuan' soup inside my stomach.
fattening!
haha.

ouch.
i've 2 ulcers in my mouth la.
1 on the left cheek and 1 under my tongue.
so uncomfortable!
and i just put some salt on them.
SUPER PAIN!

i know it's like serve me right to put salt on the wound.
but it's the traditional way for it to heal faster.
i dont mind to bear with the pain as long as it heals faster!
cuz the one at the cheek side is very big!
i think i accidentally bite myself,
how dumb can i get...
:(

ok i better go off and help my dear sis iron her uniform.
i've become her part-time maid la.
every week must iron her uniform at least twice!
that lazy pig!
but since she says my skills are much better than her,
i shall be nice and do the job, haha.

i wanna start to do exercise (after so long of laziness :p) !
shall jog in the morning later!
but i seriously doubt i can wake up early,
oops.
hee.

gonna be a boring week.
dont like my working schedule for this week.
mostly 6-10pm.
waste my transport fee to go down to town and work just for 4hours!
haiz.

oh ya, just realised there are some people whom i may not know are reading my blog.
didnt know people actually come to check my blog especially after i abandon it for a few months.
i mean i dont mind cuz this is on world wide web, anybody can read it.
but just dont publicise it for me okay.
i dont need such services.
thanks though.
this is my blog and i hope people who come will respect me and my blog.
any comments can just write it in the tag board.
THANKS!

well...
it's neither a very good nor very bad news.
guess i should be contented with it.
especially when i never really study hard right from the 1st day of my jc life...

maths - B
physics - C
hcl - D
GP - B4

it's kind of expected.
as in i expected that's the best result i can get.
and true enough, no miracle happen.
but i guess i must be glad that at least it's not worse.

i'm just pissed with my mum.
she was so nice the past whole week.
when i was worrying about my result,
my dad kept rubbing in by saying "you studied for 2years and you've no confidence?"
then mum will scold him and say "can you dont put more stress on her."
and she kept telling me not to get worried, even if i really cant make it to university,
there will always be a way out.
on result release day, in the morning before she left house,
she still assured me that no matter what my result is,
the family will still welcome me back and asked me not to do silly stuff.
i was so touched la.

but then,
when i called to tell her my result,
she asked what's the subject which i got D.
i told her higher chinese and she was pissed.
she was like "why you only get D for higher chinese? i'm not happy."
and she hang up the phone.

i was so angry until i cried.

perhaps i was disappointed too.
but i know it myself.
my chinese literature suck like shit.
i know that i did my best already, i really did...
even zhang laoshi said she was happy that i got D.
cuz i've flunk my 2years of hcl and this time i can pass with a D,
she's satisfied.
she said sorry because she actually expected me to get an E.
so i should be happy.
and i'm really grateful to her for giving me all those extra one-to-one coaching after school and on saturdays.
THANKS A LOT!

and i guess i must thank mrs guna too.
it's worth to spend so much money on buying all those GP notes.
cuz i actually got B4!!!
which i think it's very good cuz i know how lousy my written english is.
guess i'm really lucky too cuz some people who are usually very good in english didnt do that well...
i didnt even finish summary and AQ la,
maybe my essay was good...
if not then must be the marker mark wrongly, ha.
whatever the case, i'm most proud of my GP result!
:)

oh, must thanks dad too.
he brought me and sis to eat dinner at amk jack's place.
well it's not really his treat cuz we returned some money to him.
but considering that he's so poor...... haha.
when i was so pissed with mum,
i called him up and complained "i dont like your wife! she scolded me for my hcl result!"
then he was like "dont care her la. as long as can go university can already. i treat you to good food later ok?"
haha. ok he kept his promise.
and we didnt let mum know about our dinner!
bleh.

dinner at jack's place...




by the way the service at amk jack's place suck.
they let the customers wait at the door without attending to us when so many of them saw us standing.
it's not like they're super busy or what, and there are a few groups of customers standing and waiting!
somemore the waiters and even 1 of the managers' attitude is kind of bad.
should have written the customers feedback form!
and i realised, i dont really like steak.
jack's place isnt as nice as i thought :(

dunno why,
but i dont feel good after getting my result too.
i'm worried for myself, for my future.
with this type of result,
can i really enter university?
but what course can i take?
i dont have much choices.
and i dunno what i want.
mum scolded me saying i'm a failure,
grow so big yet i still dont have goals in my life...
true.
i agree to what she says...
i'm just a failure...

worried for my friends who didnt do that well too.
couldnt really sleep well the past 2 nights.
i wonder how are they now, hope they're feeling better already.
i know i cant help much, feel so helpless...
i know i'll just irritate or make them feel worse if i keep asking them if they're ok.
so i kept quiet.
just feel like telling them dont ever give up,
there will always be a way out.
hand on and strive for a better future...

somehow i just feel bad.
cuz i know some of them are actually more hardworking than me...
but certain things are just so unfair...
maybe things all happen for a reason.
nobody knows what is going to happen in the future.
so let's just work hard for the best!

P.S. : cheer up people! i'm still here for you and will support you no matter what!

oh yes i'm still awake.
how great.
i'm like so tired and sleepy in the day and now what,
i cant sleep!!!

just finish watching episode 14 of hana kimi.
finally catch up with the latest one!
cant wait for episode 15!
it's getting more and more exciting!

oh ya i updated my wish list and to-do list.
haha.
so many things lo, i'm so greedy can.
and most of my to-do list is about eating.
shall try to clear them by this year, hee.

haiz.
i'm just trying to 'lighten' my own mood.
but doesnt seem to help.
and i'm feeling cold all of a sudden.
my flu came back again, keep sneezing.
guess i've to sleep in the living room later.
and that's if i can fall asleep.
arrgh.

can foresee that i'll be watching tv in the morning or walking around the whole house trying to calm down.
any other ways to relax?
my mind is blocked now.
i dont want to think about anything!!!
someone please punch me and knock me out can?
haiz.

hopefully i'll have good news to update in the night...

14hours more...
like counting down to my death......

bad things keep happening.
especially today (eh i meant yesterday).
like some omen.
BAD SIGN!
:(

first thing when i started work not long,
wengster and adrian walked past counter when they were going for lunch.
then adrian was like "peishan why didnt you put any makeup? you look so pale! so not presentable! please go touch up!"
whatever la.
so i replied i wasnt feeling well and have no mood to put makeup.
wengster was clever enough, he said "she must be worried about tomorrow."
and both of them said "why worry, it's A level only what."
what A level only what.
if i cant get into university,
that's the end of me!

and ais also say i really look bad today, like i just woke up.
she says do service line must put makeup to look better and presentable,
a form of respect to the people we are serving.
but do you think i've the mood to bother about looking presentable now!!!
somemore is work pm shift, of cuz i dont wanna care.
but since adrian said so, i've no choice.
end up put on luxuan's foundation and blusher and lhea's lipstick.

i guess mum is right.
i always put too much makeup until now whenever i dont put makeup,
i look like ghost, so pale la.
and these few weeks my eyes itch very easily and i keep rubbing them until they swell up.
guess i put too heavy eyes makeup.
that's why now i'm trying to cut down!
when i can i'll try not to put makeup,
but end up i dont look presentable.
whatever la.
and i hate my skin colour now!
havent been out in the sun for too long,
i'm so fair now.
dont like!
i want back my tan skin!!!
aiya, no mood to talk about such stuff now la.

haiz.
so i worried the whole day while working.
super no mood and i was super tired.
plus the boring enviroment,
feel so much like dying.

and guess what,
i spilled the whole bottle of nail polish remover on the table.
was trying to remove my nail polish (mummy lhea brings her whole manicure set to the counter cuz it's her current obsess now) but i dunno what happened,
the bottle lid just burst out and eveything spilled out.
i dirtied the sony redemption forms la.
weng is so gonna kill me.
and i spolilt the company's stamp.
cuz the damn nail polish remover is strong,
not only the smell is strong, the chemical is also very strong.
the stamp's plastic cover actually sort of melted and corroded.
arrgh.
i'm such a trouble maker can.
haiz.

please dont tell me that's some signs of bad luck falling on me.

seriously, i really hate my life.
my life wasnt that great before.
so please, grant my this wish can?
i just wanna make it to university!
i know say anything now also no use,
my fate has already been decided...

sometimes i really wonder.
maybe i'm just such a failure.

everything in my life just seem to come and go.
i dont seem to be able to catch hold of anything.
especially my friends...
i'm no longer in contact with primary school friends,
secondary school friends are only left those few which we havent meet up for so long...
and i always thought i've my happiest school days in yj with the girls,
but i was still right with what i fear.
after graduation we still go our own ways.
people just disappear.
everybody have their own lives and things to busy with...
or maybe it's me that didnt make the effort in staying close with them...

lucky i still have my dearest sister.
she so super cute la.
she says she'll cab down from amk to yj to find me if i did very badly.
funny huh, just because i rushed down to amk that time when she cried so badly after getting her O level chinese result.
but i know she's sweet, love her lots.
just dont curse me!

and i dont want my life to pass just like that.
why cant i do some remarkable things?
haiz.