please ignore my previous entry.
i guess i was sick till i didnt think properly.
sorry,
i'm being over demanding and too impatient.
now just let fate takes its place ba...

i might be pissed and grumble alot,
but dont know why everytime i see him,
it's a totally different feeling.
his stupid face always make me cant stop laughing.
all the unhappiness previously is gone.
well, i guess this is a good thing.

i dont want the 'fire' to die out so soon.
shall add more charcoal to it.
lol.

i must say i was disappointed.
his character is just too 'heck care', not serious at all.
maybe he is worried and concern also, maybe.
at least he called right after he ended lesson.
but disappeared after that.

couldnt get him when i decided to go home.
called so many times but...
and guess what, saw him playing bball at the bball!
faints.
he didnt even say anything when i said i'm going home.
best.

before that the girls were still betting whether he will offer to send me home or not.
only siying bet that he will.
so the rest look down on him.
well, when siying told me about the bet,
deep in my heart i knew the outcome already.
he just proved me and the rest right.
haiz.
maybe he assumed that the girls will send me back.
but what if they dont?
he didnt even care how am i going home la.
arrgh.
if melissa is sick, i'm sure aaron will send her back.
the other time soomei took cab and sent jean all the way home and cab back to school again la.
ok i'm not suppose to compare with others.

lucky he called, like 30mins later!
well, if he called soon after i walked away maybe i wont be so pissed.
at least ask how i'm going home what!
but i guess bball is more important.
whatever.

siying says i'm thinking too much,
i should learn to be contented.
but...
it's like nothing has change at all.
beside the fact that i've accompany to school every morning...
but so far we didnt go out at all, not even once.
maybe it's my fault that i'm so busy.
i just dont want to take initiative anymore.

it's like there's no difference to my life,
with or without the status.
i dont really feel like i'm in love.
perhaps it's better this way...

maybe felicia was right, i'm really that type of person...
maybe jeanie was right, people never get contented...
maybe 'boi boi' was right, her curse will come true...

maybe i was wrong...

of course there are still times when it can be so sweet and nice...
i just hope we are not trying too hard.

fine,
i'm just asking too much.

sorry, forget about what i just wrote.

on MC today, that's why i can blog at this hour...
gastric AGAIN. i think my stomach is really spoilt.

stomach was having terrible pain since yesterday's noon.
i ATE ok, not that i didnt eat.
i ate at 8plus in the morning then noon ate again.
plus i ate quite alot of junk food the previous night.
my stomach wasnt empty!
and the stupid pain still came!
i guess i ate too much this time.
not stomach empty, is too bloated.
haiz.

went to sick bay to rest for an hour.
thanks melissa for helping me there.
it was painful than usual till i had to lie down.
the feeling sucks.
I HATE IT!

chose to go home to rest, didnt stay back for odac.
i wanna thanks the girls for esorting me out of school and sending me all the way back home.
if not i really dont know how am i going to crawl back.
jasmine regina xingling siying felicia
all of them offered to send me home but they were thinking it's better for me to take cab back.
i guess walking to the mrt station or bus stop will be too tedious for me at that point of time.
so xingling siying and felicia took a cab back with me while lulut and ah BA went home in the other direction.
girls, THANK YOU SO MUCH!
it's so nice to have you people around :)

slept the entire afternoon but didnt really get well.
thanks 'boi boi' for accompanying me to see doctor.
got a jab to stop the pain.
this is like the 785th(quoted from felicia) time i got such jab.
haiz.

no more fried, oily, spicy food for me for the next 1 week.
boo :(

a few people to thanks...

him, for calling to console right after receiving my sms last night...
but i didnt tell him the whole story.
i guess i just wont rant and grumble in front of him,
i dont want him to feel that i'm such a...weak person?
i dont know.
but thanks for the advise.
at least hearing his high pitch voice made me feel a little better, ha.

ah lao, for listening to my ranting for 45mins.
sorry for taking up your break time!
but he's like 1 of the very few which i feel that i can confide in.
the 2nd person who can put a smile on my face when we see each other.
a sudden tap on my shoulder and a big sweet smile from him can brighten up my day.
THANKS A LOT!
his poor ears must have suffered alot today.
i just rant everything out at him la, feel so bad.

but deep inside my heart i'm really upset, feel so terrible.
yet i've to act happy in front of others.
dont even dare to tell the girls.
they saw how sad she was yesterday, most probably they will think it's my fault too.
i just cant face up to reality, sorry.
i messaged her in the morning but she didnt reply.
smiled very happily at her when i saw her but she just gave a cold smile.
i guess everything is really gone.
the feeling will never be the same no matter how hard i try to save it...

last person to thanks,
my dearest sista 'boi boi'!
we went for tuition togther in the evening then ate dinner after that.
were chatting and catching up with every details of each others life.
so long never really sit down, have a meal together and chat with her.
feel quite guilty cuz i didnt really spend much time with her this year.
well it's also a good thing cuz she needs to be independent and not rely on me too much.
she's big enough, must learn to solve problems by herself and handle stress.
i cant be always there for her.
she looks so guyish but always come crying and whining at me!
haha. mum say i dote on her too much.
even 'boi boi' herself blame me for causing her to be so not independent.
lol.
is not my fault for this ok.
who ask her to be my super cute sista!
she's the only reason that makes me wanna go home.
i love her! haha.

yesterday was a very very very sad night...

i guess i've lost a very good friend...
i'm sorry for not treasuring and neglected this friendship...

but i didnt know what i said was so hurtful to her,
i didnt know the impact was so great until she avoided us since then.
1 month plus, she was upset for so long just because of what i said.
i'm a sinner again.
haiz.

but what she commented that day was really too harsh too.
was i wrong to be angry?
is like the drama thing just started and the whole crew was excited about it.
i know we were still lousy at that point of time,
but she was like "gimme free ticket i also wont come and watch".
!!!
how can i not be pissed when i heard this!

well, i know i'm a very straight forward and impulsive person,
always say things without thinking and hurt people at times.
so maybe i was wrong again that time.
my 1st reaction was "do you have to be so harsh?" and i just turned and walked away.
according to her, i made her feel paiseh so she left after that...
my stupid mouth again.
but i was really pissed at that time.

i'm sorry for my attitude yesterday.
i admit i was wrong.
but i was really tired after only 2hrs plus of sleep again and was vexed over some other stuffs.
sorry for sort of ignoring her.
she was nice to buy me chocolate and put her ego aside to approach us.
yet i treat her so coldly.
but i didnt mean it!
i didnt even realise she was avoiding us all the while, i just thought she was busy with her own life and friends.
somemore we are of different year now...

maybe i'm too insensitive.
but i almost forget about the drama incident already!
i dont even take it to heart but she took it so seriously!
she admit she was petty and emotional...
but it was still my fault...
she said i became someone she doesnt know, or maybe she doesnt really understand me afterall...

we were very close friends after OBS, got close because of some weird reasons.
but i really like this friend.
i didnt know things will end up this way.
i'm SO SORRY to cause all these.
but i'm also quite hurt that she didnt even inform me that she'll be coming back to yj to study.
like hello, she is supposed to be my 'laogong'!
yet i'm like the last to know and was so shocked to see her suddenly back in yj.
somemore the pricipal and chinese HOD were stressing me like hell during that period.
plus the class conflict thing, i totally broke down, didnt have the energy to catch up with her.
my fault, sorry.
but she gave me a feeling that she didnt wanna talk to me too!
then the drama incident happened.

what she said yesterday when we chatted over the phone really hurt me.
she said she know i'm a straight forward person, but too straight forward at times.
she said "now i can understand why faris, irah and the rest dont like you. i can imagine how u instruct and command them to do things then just walk away, leaving them to feel paiseh."
OMG.
why does she have to remind me of that?
these words really shattered my heart.
was i really such a bad person like that?
i'm already sad enough that the group which just joined our class dislike me.
maybe dislike is not the right word, HATE is the word.
they can joke and laugh with every other girls except for me.
can anybody understand how i feel?
i guess not :(

i thought friends who are closer to me will know and understand me better.
this is me, i'm such a person.
i know i'm too straight forward at times but i'm learning how to control.
maybe she was right, she doesnt know me well afterall.
and i dont know her well too...

when i asked if we can save this friendship,
she said it's quite impossible, it can never be like before...
i've to agree, but she doesnt even want to try...
i guess i cant be forgiven...

both of us cried over the phone yesterday.
and i heard that she cried in school after i left for lesson.
my response to her yesterday was too bad. i'm really sorry...
we cried because we both know that the once close friends will never be the same again...

it's my lost and i'm the cause of it.
me and my big mouth.
slap me please.
maybe i really should shut up from now on.

i've learned to be contented with what's happening now.
i can see that both of us are trying our best and putting in effort to learn...
at least i enjoy the process of loving someone :)

something slightly more relaxing today after school...

went to try out outdoor cooking for wednesday's odac.
the chefs: me, cindy, adeline, tai wei and johnson
the superviser cum our guinea-pig: ms lim

just imagine cooking an egg in an orange skin!
haha.
it was quite successful!
'frying' french toast on a satay-sticks platform is pretty nice too.
but the guys' toast bread dont seem that appealing, haha.
well, girls are better in cooking :p

the idea of cooking honeydew sago in a honeydew skin shell didnt work out
so we cook the dish in a tin.
was so excited cuz it looked so nice but we realised we dont have enough sugar.
nice uncle jackson helped us to 'steal' some 'sugar' from the malay noodle stall.
so we happily add the 'sugar' into our sago soup.
cindy was the first to try. after she tasted, her reaction was "very salty!"
then johnson tasted the 'sugar' which he was holding and he puked out.
the 'sugar' turned out to be SALT!
LOL.
uncle jackson didnt check properly before getting for us and we didnt check before using it!
faints.
there goes our nice honeydew sago desert :(

but we had a great time laughing over it :)

STRESS!

i slept only at 3plus this morning!
was doing my GP assignments.
mrs guna must be mad to give us 2compre and 2compo to do over the so called 'long' weekend.
i only started doing yesterday la.
well at least i've the determination to finish and i did it!
unlike SOME people who always use the trick of 'falling sick' and not go school when she cant finish her homework.
whatever.
i proved her wrong by staying up to finish.
so proud of myself :p

quite amazed that i still can survive today on just 2hours plus of sleep.
and i'm pretty awake now.
must continue to stay awake cuz my homework are not yet finish!
i wonder when will homework ever be finished?
it's like a snowball which keeps rolling non-stop.
haiz.
i need 48hours a day!

feeling real stressed up.
i cant catch up with almost all the subjects, even my favourite maths.
i dont understand complex numbers at all!
haven even finish tutorial18.1, LPP already 'fly' all the way to 18.3.
i'm like stoning throughout every maths tutorial la :(
some kind soul please save me!

dont understand most of the physics concepts but i'm trying my best,
managed to figure out bit by bit slowly...
maybe i focused too much on hcl now.
but that's my weakest subject and the prinicipal and HOD are monitoring my results,
i've no choice but to buck up and 'show' them that i'm doing something...
GP is suffocating me with the never ending assignments.
i wonder if doing all those will help...

time is running out too fast.
everything happened so quickly and packed until i cant breathe.
dying soon...

today went back school for 'pai ju' in the afternoon after 3hrs of tuition in the morning.
thursdays after school and saturdays are officially the 'pai ju' days now.
we are already halfway through the whole thing but i'm sure still must do alot of touch up.
but we only have 6 weeks left!
ha i dont know how are we going to rush it out.
well, if there's a will, there's a way.
am i right ah lao? :p

'pai ju' is always so fun. hilarious man!
my dear dear partner daryl always 'xiao chang' and 'wang ci',
made the rest of us laugh like mad.
he's the leading actor ah si and i'm the leading actress xiao xian.
well we are supposed to be 'enemies' in some way cuz we always quarrel.
but i'm sort of 'interested' and concern about him, lol.
daryl must be a damn SHY guy huh, everytime blush, whole cheeks red, so funny!
i cant help but laugh when i see his face, cant continue acting! haha.

poor melissa acts as a super weirdo hui ren!
but at least scene3 she's sort of more normal.
today we finish going through whole of scene3.
last part we got melissa's ahem, aaron to pull the trolley with melissa on it out of the stage.
create a 'melissa is drifting away' effect.
haha only aaron can do this job then it will be safer for melissa :p

ce yi and tommy are also damn funny!
1 is a super muddle-head student guo qiang and our 'fang qing song' teacher wei lao shi!
they always have funny funny actions and words.
ah ben is the sissy wen da and the only j1 sophie is his tom boy 'girlfriend' qing qing.
this 'couple' is very cute.
i think siying is the best actress so far! she can get into her character ling ling very well.
well ling ling is xiao xian's good friend and she has a crush on guo qiang!
the way siying acts is so cute and real! as in the feeling is there.
especially those parts showing her crush for guo qiang, so cute!
i shall award siying the best actress award! hee.

and the best 'jian zi' award to my ah lao! :)

'pai ju' is one of the time which i can relax.
although it's tiring but i really love it.
but it really takes up alot of time.
i just hope the auditorium will be filled up on 30th and 31st may and people will enjoy this drama.

when everything is over, i'm sure i'll miss it.
cuz i like this drama and the whole crew!
:)))

爱与被爱之间，我选择了去爱我所爱的人...
我当然也希望能被我所爱的人爱...
但他给我的感觉还是...我们在一起是件见不得人的事 :(
是害羞吗？我想是吧。我不是男生，不会了解...
我知道得givehimsometime...
反正我都等了那么久，应该还有耐心在等下去。
或许是我自己想太多了...
我想这种事不能和电视剧或是身边的人相比，
我应该学会知足...

maybe 'boi boi' is right.
i'm a total bitch.
it's all my fault.
everything started because i didnt handle it well...

i really cant bring myself to tell OP.
he's like such a nice guy. at least he's nice to me.
i must admit i'm almost touched by him...
he's the most 'ke lian' one cuz he dont know anything at all.
and how am i suppose to say it out now?
somemore we are all assuming only.
ok fine maybe it is very obvious but i just act blur all the while.
so it's still my fault.
haiz.

and now there's UG.
i feel bad la, man ping got scolded by him because she was the one who told me.
i just wonder how he knew that i found out.
must be those big mouths...
anyway i'll just act blur.
somemore it happened in the past.
so it doesnt matter.

i'm a total bitch!
I SUCK I SUCK I SUCK!
i'm not worth...
maybe my character is too open,
sorry if i misled anybody.
really SORRY.

spent my rainy GOOD FRIDAY yesterday at ubin getting all wet.
the drench dunkies: me, johnson, tai wei, cindy, adeline, denise, oke, ms lim and her chauffeur
went to go look for a camp site and do navigation for the ubin camp in may.
it was raining most of the time and we walked in the rain!
now i know, ponchos are useless!
cuz the stupid hat thing keep dropping off so your head wont get covered.
i'm wet from head to toe la, i just hope i dont fall sick!
hopefully it wont rain on the camp days.

but i guess it's not part of my concern cuz i'm not in the camp committee.
dont even know if i can attend the camp cuz it's near the drama period.
well, it's not compulsory for me to go ubin yesterday.

i'm just being KPO to tag along, somemore he was asked to go...
haiz. i just want to see him and spend more time together.
it's like we are all busy with our own things, dont even have chance to go for date or something.
i feel bad for being so busy. tuition, 'pai ju' etc.
sorry.

he waited for me to finish 'pai ju' on thursday then we went for dinner.
last 2 bowls of laksa and the sweet peanut ice-kachang,
i'll never forget the taste :)
i guess i should be contented that i get to see him every morning for the past week.
i always feel happier when i see his face.
at least it can help me get rid all the stress and misery for that period of time.
thanks for walking me to school :D
but it's tiring for him, i can tell.
i feel so BAD!
but we wont have much time to spend together i guess.
not that i want to always go out or what.
just a short meal or go study together will be enough...
i dont want studies to be affected too.
hmmm maybe it's really wrong to......in this important year.
nvm, he shall be my motivation to study! i hope.
ha at least i wont sleep in physics lecture now.
i love physics lecture and my breaks on tuesdays, thursdays and fridays!
these are the only time when i can at least see him from afar...

sheng.shan.

friends forever; i promise :)

we are using nokia6280 :x

ah lao and dear!

this entry is dedicated to my dearest ah lao!
we spent the past weekend together most of the time.
thanks for accompanying me! :)
oh i almost forgot to mention, my ah lao is so FAMOUS!
he's on television, lianhezaobao and our school's radio broadcast!
anyway he did a great job for the chinese radio broadcast last last wed!
so proud of my ah lao :D
see, i've good taste ok, lol.

had 'pai ju' on saturday morning.
ah lao is our... director is the term to use i supposed?
ha so of course he must be there every practise.
then i rushed for tutition and after that met up with ah lao again to go causeway point.
repair our new handphones!
seriously this model isnt that good afterall, alot of defaults!
and my set the sliding part is quite loose!
i didnt check properly when i bought it :(

well they said we could get our handphones back the next day.
software need to be upgraded and they will change my sliding part.
so we went to walk around as i had to meet cindy only at night but i forgot to bring spare handphone with me!
poor ah lao had to 'pei' me go shopping, followed me into every shop that i entered, hee, paiseh.
thank you thank you, haha.
went for dinner at food court and had a long nice chat i supposed.

went down together to collect our handphones on sunday.
but mine was not ready!
and nokia service is so 'good' cuz they didnt even call to inform.
they just said "sorry but we dont have spare parts to repair the sliding yet, u have to wait another 3 days".
whatever. what a nice service.
lucky ah lao managed to get his back, if not wasted my trip down.

we went to take neos before we went home!
haha.
we said we must go out on a date and take pictures since last year but didnt had a chance till the past weekend!
well at least he doesnt owe me anything now, lol.

it's so nice to have a heart-to-heart talk with ah lao.
had been quite sometime since we last sat down to chat
heehee found out 1 little secret of ah lao! :p
haha not really secret la, but is still some little news.
well if he makes me angry maybe i'll just accidentally...
lol.

to ah lao: something which i didnt dare to tell u straight in the face...
i know it's quite sad to not be part of us ( u should know what i mean...)
just want to know we never forget u. in fact we miss u alot.
i miss your singing la! JJ's songs! 'yi qian nian yi hou'!
i might not be able to understand your feelings totally but i do hope that u are still the ah lao, still the funny crappy ying sheng that i used to know.
hope that u can get along well with your class.
was kinda upset to hear that u said u wont be your real self in front of them.
but i know u have your own ways of socialising.
wo3 dui4 ni3 you3 xin4 xin1 !
have confidence for your academic also, u can do it!
u are a great man with great talent!
u will surely acheive your goal 1 day.
jia you!
just want to let u know that u are still part of us and u are welcome to join us anytime u want!
oh ya, i still owe u 1 KBox date! let's go sing JJ's songs together!
:)

talking out is really the best solution.
i guess everything is alright now! :)
yeah!

hmmm i wanna thanks the girls!
i'm so glad to have u girls around!
we'll pull through everything together ok!
love u :D

.eliforpwoltipeekottnawuoywonktndid,yrros
,tiesicilbupottnawitahtgniyastonm'i
.wonksdneirfruognittelhtiwgnorwgnihtynaeestnoditub
?noitingocerrofksaotgnorwima
.hcumootgnikniht,hcumootgniyrrow,hcumootgnitcepxem'iebyam
.sehcati

sorry, i just need to rant...

love me for who i am.
neverlovemebecauseiloveyou.

started my day off very well cuz we met up! :D
but i feel bad to make him go school so early.
thanks to hcl remedial every morning(except for monday!), i've to reach school at 7am!
there goes my sleeping time :(

anyway today was damn slack for me.
only had maths tutorial and 50mins of GP lesson cuz i've appointment at NUH.
did ultrasound scan today.
drank almost 2litres of water within an hour!
went to pee like 10thousand times after that, haha.
well the doctor said my hormones are unbalance.
whatever that is. but i dont think it's serious cuz at least no medication is needed at this moment.
but she wants me to gain weight to 48kg!
sorry, that is no way! i wont even let my weight be over 46kg!
anyway my stomach is so small, how to eat until 48kg u tell me. alamak.
they took 1 test tube of my blood to test!
my poor blood! haha.

yeah i finally bought my hew handphone!
nokia6280!
:)))
same phone as ah lao! hee.
but m1 no stock already.
it's selling very fast due to the promotion.
considering that the price will surely go up after this week,
i was desperate so went over singtel to buy, using 'boi boi' 's line to upgrade.
she was quite unhappy about it. sorry la. i really want to get this phone.
400bucks gone today. broke!

went to walk around town with 'boi boi' after getting my handphone.
treated her to dinner for using her line to upgrade.
that pig, with food, everything will be ok.
lucky now she's noy unhappy anymore, haha.
and i'm super duper HAPPY to finally have handphone of my own again!
thanks gordon kor kor for lending me a handphone for the past 4months!

need time to figure out how to use the new handphone!
but not tonight cuz i've hcl test tomorrow!
no mood to study la! i want to play with my new handphone! :p

it's so weird...
and i feel awkward...
it's sort of the 1st day and we dont get to see or talk to each other!
ok fine. i must admit that imissyou.
:(

finally got the answer i've been waiting for! :D
but before that was something which i hate to find out.
why cant everything be settled once and for all?
these things are driving me crazy...

stayed over at cindy's place on saturday night
cuz next morning had to report very early for marshaling for Adventure Race.
her dad fetched us, taiwei and johnson to the place.
anyway we had gals talk! hee.
found out about alot of things, happy things... :)

marshaling was pretty boring cuz i was split up, did duty alone.
but it was quite fun watching...
was very shagged after that, both physically and emotionally...

but i guess things will be better from now on?
maybe i'm worrying too much.

i knew i was over the moon last night.
and i guess i was still smiling happily to myself today.
if not reginBA wont have asked!
aiya i shouldnt have asked her those questions, too obvious huh.
but i didnt intend to hide anything also.

ah BA seems to be happier than me la, so excited, lol.
must be feeling happy for me right? haha.
i thought everyone will still think OP is better, what they said on friday made me ponder.
yea i know he's perfect, all rounder, good in academic, sports, music, leadership, blah blah blah.
typical ideal one.
but i just...
terbaboom, stop making me feel guilty!
i'm not going to regret my choice.
ah BA, u can have OP if u want. need my help? :p
or u want ABC? wahaha.
i'm just afraid that... is it true that i'm not harsh enough?
haiz. whatever. like what the rest said, he's not in the picture at all.
my eyes are only for XYZ! lol.

i'm too high during hcl lesson today.
cuz i was presenting 'hong lou meng' chap29.
got the part about 'bao yu' and 'dai yu' 's love.
so sweet la, but very sad at the same time.
they like each other but can never say out due to the culture at that point of time.
'ai de so xin ku'.
but their declaration of love for each other is so sweet,
cursed themselves to die for the sake of the other party.
in another word (quoted from tianyi) is "u die, i die". lol.
i was screaming that their love is SO SWEET.
though they kept quarreling and there's a 3rd party involved.
'bao chai' sux big time!
without her, 'bao yu' and 'dai yu' 's ending wouldnt be such a bad one.

while i'm crazy over the sweetness of their love,
i guess i neglected jing chao's feeling.
dont know how is she and her bf now.
looking at how sad she's, i can feel the ache too.
didnt know relationship problem can cause such a great impact.
sorry but this better dont happen on me, i dont wanna experience it!
i just hope everything will be fine for her.
maybe we should stop talking about love and 3rd party's issue.
but that's what 'hou lou meng' story is about now!
everytime these issue is raised up, tianyi and i will freeze cuz we knew it'll hurt jing chao.
haiz.
going through a relationship seems to be a hard task.
nvm, i shall think of ways to cheer her up!

so shagged today.
went lulut's house after school(3.30pm) to rest for a while then went for tuition.
rushed back to school to attend maths night lesson at 7pm.
rush here and there, 'learned' so many things.
BRAIN DEAD!
now every tuesday night mrs kwang is giving extra maths lesson.
it's optional but i guess i should go since i'm so lousy.
but i've mr ho's tuition too!
dont tell me i've to rush like that every tuesday.
i'll go mad!
:(

03042006
the story begins...
:)))

HAPPY APRIL'S FOOL! :D

i've decided to blog again!
my poor blog is abandoned for 4 months!
J2's life just sux. :(
billions things happened.
shall not talk about the past.
it's the present and future that matters!

this is my blog so i'm going to say whatever i want to say.
pardon me for being straight forward.
this is me! take it or leave it!
i dont wanna hide anything, so fake!

SOME PEOPLE IS JUST SIMPLY IRRITATING!
but i dont wanna be the bad guy to scold u off.
cant u just sense it!
GRRRGH!

ok time to sleep.
8.30am must reach school for drama practise!!!
anyway, ice age 2 is a pretty nice show.
:)