boring day.
slept till noon.
had lunch (at my neighbourhood)
went church (after sooo long didnt go)
rot at home (for an hour)
went town with family (a wrong thing)
ate dinner (at wisma's food republic)
came home (rot again)

did a wrong thing today.
that's going town with my parents.
regretted telling mum about food republic when she asked for places of recommendations to eat.
'boi boi' was blaming me cuz she thinks that coming town with parents is very...
a bit true, cuz mum always do things which made us throw face, haha.
well she's too old-fashion, but we cant do anything about it.
just bear with it, she's still our mum.
at least must wait till we are erm 21? ha.

life seem to be so meaningless after promos.
i'm like so hard to please.
promos period grumble, promos end already still grumble.
got nothing better to do now.
keep thinking of stupid things.
arrrgh!

and some people just cant stop irritating me...

my young daddy :D
notice the cake cream beside his mouth! haha.

family celebrating dad's birthday!

just celebrated dad's birthday.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY daddy!
u are finally a 2-digit that starts with 4 :p
i love my young daddy!
i think no one my age has a younger dad than me, haha.
my dad can dance hip-hop! so cool right! haha.
but he's too naggy, cant stand his nagging. worse than a woman's.
and he's too broke. can barely feed himself.
if not he'll be so perfect.
haha.
but he's still my daddy nevertheless :)

went town today!
1st time i stepped into town after promos. so happy :D
xingling accompanied me, thank you!
cuz i was in kinda bad mood.
didnt know what to do after sch.
dont feel like going home so stayed in sch for 1hr just to think of what to do.
chatted with xuan but i guess she's not free to go out with me.
then xingling sms me at this moment!
my saviour :)
so i end up shopping with my best shopping partner! :D
we bought a same belt each and she bought alot of clothes!
i paid for eveything cuz she she didnt bring money, haha.
finally i get back my shopping mood!
xingling & shan are the best shopping queens :)))

went bugis with siying felicia soomei jinting & xuan.
ate and shopped a little.
xuan has something on then the rest of rest went to watch movie 'the wig'.
so long never watch horror movie. kind of scared. haha.
fel chose to cover her eyes and i chose to cover my ears.
i think it's the sound effects that makes it so scary. :x
not a very bad show.
after that siying soomei and i continue shopping.
but i totally dont have the mood.
just plainly walking around.
so weird, i'm not happy doing my favourite thing.
i dunno what has gotten into me recently.
maybe cuz xingling isnt there. haha.

at least i feel better today :)
shouldnt have blog my previous entry.
it's nothing ok!
dont ask anymore!
infatuation feeling just come and go.
it's just that it's my 1st time blogging about such stuffs.
i dont wanna talk about it!
maybe what i should do now is think of which path to take.
i cant even decide.
haiz.
whatever.

cant believe i'm still awake now.
finish op already but dunno why cant sleep.
guess i'll doze of during lesson in the day.
chatting online.
made me even more sad.
my life just suck.
i suck the most.

thanks soomei for talking to me.
at least made me realise alot of things.
i guess i'm too childish to actually have these thinkings.
I HATE MYSELF for being like that.

my pw group is kinda... i dunno how to say.
but i must say i'm a sucky leader.
i'm sorry for that.
i'm not responsible enough, not effective enough, not...
i'm really SORRY.
especially to fahizul.
it's like we had been ordering him to do this do that.
sorry fahizul.
you are a GREAT guy :)
thanks alot.
i guess my whole group is quite slack, all slackers.
nvm slackers will do last minute work and we can catch up!
i'm sure we can :)
let's jia you,
last bit left!

kite flying on sunday was pretty fun.
though i didnt manage to fly a single kite up.
fahizul flew 2 kites up!
so pro! :D
i just played with the kite when it's already up in the sky.
we flew in real high and far.
sometimes i wish i'm a kite flying high up in the sky...

went lau pa sat to eat dinner.
long chatting session.
about promos and what we gonna do if we dont get promoted.
about left and family...
so nice to have such a chat with your friends.
at least this year's class is better than those in st nics.
i love 133! :DDD
went esplanade to take photos after that.
got home damn late and got scolded like siao.
but i think it's worth it.
:)))

i feel worse as days go by.
i think i'm fake.
where's my real self?
i dunno.
i wish i do.
i'm tired of life.

promos is finally OVER!!!
:D

it's PARTY TIME now!
weeeeeee :)))

shall not worry about the results 1st.
although it's really very worrying.
haiz :(
i never been so HARDWORKING before, not even for O levels.
if i dont get promoted this time, i'll be damn disappointed.
i dont wanna get retain!
NONONO!!!

but i'm really quite scared.
scared i'll get retain because of hcl.
it's Higher Chinese Language, not hydrochloric la, stupid gary ;p
broke down on thursday night while studying for yesterday's hcl paper2.
cuz laoshi told me that i did very badly for my paper1.
i guess i failed, didnt meet the minimum requirement of at least 45%.
which means i'll fail the whole promos for hcl.
stupid rule the chinese department set, both paper1 & 2 must get at least 45% then can add up the marks and divide.
if not they will just take the lowest of two.
WTH!
if i fail paper1, i doubt i can pass paper2.
but laoshi was saying if i do well for paper2 and show her that i did really study, maybe she'll re-mark my paper1 to see if i can pass.
i'm so dead.
she made me so stressed can, but i know she's just trying to help.
maybe hcl is just not my cup of tea, should have change it long ago!
now regret also too late.
just pray that i can make it.
i just need an AO! provided that my maths & physics can pass.
please grant my wish...

went suntec with felicia siying soomei & tianyi yesterday.
ate marche! in celebration of end of promos, haha.
then felicia ABANDONED us and went to meet her friends.
we went shopping after that.
but i dont seem to have the mood to shop.
weird.
i wanna go town soon!

stupid sch extend official lessons until 18th nov, 2weeks later than others!
promos also later, holidays also later.
others all happily playing while we must still study.
NOT FAIR!
damn sch...
still got stupid PW OP coming up, sianz.

class gathering tomorrow!
kite flying!
looking forward to it :)

intended to come online last night but i actually fell asleep at 10pm!
that's like so early! i never sleep before midnight for a long time!
so i supposed it'a good thing?
had been ATTEMPTING to study for the past few days but wasnt very productive...

went back to sch at noon on saturaday after tuition at mr ho.
was trying to study but dunno why i'm damn tired.
already fell asleep at tuition while waiting for mr ho, then fell asleep again in the sch's library!
was sitting with joanne, shiping & paulin but they were not at the table most of the time.
realised that i really dont have energy to focus plus we were all hungry so we left for laksa!

nice food + nice people = nice meal
heard alot about RFC from shiping & paulin.
RFC people sounds nice 7 fun.
they made me think of the st nics days.
so wild and crazy, damn fun.
come to think of it, i dont really like st nics then.
all gals, so much of backstabbing & bitching.
i guess it's the same everywhere, just that the 'degree' is different.
but i really miss the girl-sch spirit.
the fun, the laughter, the craziness.
most people say i dont look like i'm from girl-sch.
quite true, i'm definitely not a typical girl-sch girl.
but perhaps i'm used to that type of life already.
yj's life and people are more 'neighbourhood'.
i didnt say it's bad, it has it's own good ways too.
but yj is a bit too dead?
only RFC makes me feels that yj is slightly 'alive'.
maybe i should blame myself for being in yj instead...

went up to auntie's house to look for ying.
was quite shocked that she said she wanted to chat with me but i wasnt at home.
since her house is around the area so i went up.
had been so long since i met up with my beloved cousins!
both ying & ting was at home so is 3 cousins reunion!
both of them having major exams soon.
O level & A level. good luck & all the best!
we were chatting and watching tv.
ying made me realise and think about alot of things.
i always tell xuan not to think so much, now i'm the one thinking alot.
but i think what ying said is true.
she already have big plans for her future, she knows what she gonna do and where she wanna go.
but i dont even know which direction i'm going.
i've no goals, no plans.
i never thought about my future.
dont even know if i can pass promos...
maybe it's time to do some thinking, but let me pass my promos 1st.
that's the most important thing now.
really appreciate ying, thanks for making me learn so much! :)
she has changed, or rather grows up, mature in thinking, hee.
well that's a good thing. think i should learn to grow up too!
i miss those days 'living' at my auntie's house too!
the 4 cousins will just study and play together! my childhood memories!
quickly finish your exams then we'll go out and have fun ok!
ying & ting: study hard! you gals can do it!

woke up at 6am this morning and realised i've fallen asleep.
packed my stuffs and replied sms till 7am then went back to sleep all the way to 11am!
i feel damn PIG!
went to meet xuan to study at kovan in the afternoon.
was studying at some community club cuz mac was full.
another nice place to study but a bit too far for me, like so crazy to travel all the way there to study, but i dun mind.
at least i dont feel so stress studying with xuan, maybe cuz we take different combi.
left in the evening, was rushing home cuz parents suddenly say tonight going out for dinner with grandma.
another entertaining meal again, i hate it.
aunt went too. ate at northpoint's fei cui xiao chu somemore. cant they choose a better place! arrgh!

ahhhh i've spend too much time online, shall go study.
'boi boi's end of year exams tomorrow.
dont be to nervous! remember what i told you? have more confidence!
she's damn cute la, i cant stand her.
she came to the room crying on friday's night.
cuz she read what i wrote for my previous entries.
she's too 'touched' by what i said?
haha. but what i said is the truth, from the bottom of my heart ok.
she was trying to say 'thank you jie jie' and crying at the same time.
my god, u stupid silly gal.
like that also can cry.
u look so 'man' but so soft at heart.
no need to thank me, what are sistas for!
i just simply love her, cant imagine life without her!
oh gosh i'm in love with my own sista, haha.
but i really treasure our relationship.
alot of my friends aint close with their siblings at all.
so i guess i'm very lucky!
I LOVE MY SISTER no matter what!
:DDD

cant sleep although i'm freaking tired.
had extra physics lesson till 3plus.
went to jog with joanne at 4pm under the hot sun.
rushed for tuition after that.
got home very late again.

had been jogging for the past 3 days!
feels so nice!
need to run to destress!
i miss the days back in st nics whereby i'll jogged everyday with jeanie, gladys and the jogging gang.
it's quite hard to find someone to jog with me in yj.
yj's people is not as sporty?
nvm now i've joanne! new jogging partner! :)
used to jog with yanni during 1st 3months, now she's getting more and more lazy huh.
must grab her out to jog with me! :p

alot of things running through my mind.
worried about promos and stuffs.
but i just cant get myself motivated to study, haiz.
ah i dont want to get insomnia again!
i dont want to turn into panda!
i dont want to eat those little blue pills too!
shall force myself to sleep.

1 & counting, 2 & counting, 3 & counting, 4......

just got back from mr ho.
damn tired today.
fell asleep during all the tutorial lessons.
guess i didnt sleep well last night.
was crying before i slept.

had a big quarrel with mum.
damn her.
i hate her.
really HATE her hell lots!
it started out cuz 'boi boi' was showing us her subject combinations form.
sec2 so this year streaming, have to choose combi.
she wants to choose 3 pure sciences.
she's damn smart la, top 40 of her level, sure can get in.
but mum isnt very supportive of the idea.
then she saw a subject "CL lit" and ask what is it.
it's chinese literature, a new subject in 'boi boi''s sch next year.
so mum was like "wow so your sch gonna have c.lit also? that's good!"
i knew what she was thinking so i quickly said "dont ask mei mei to take c.lit, she'll just die.
please la, i had experience taking it already.
wasted my 2 whole years getting a F9, not even reflected in my O level cert.
and i know 'boi boi' is definitely not interested.
somemore her chinese standard is not very good.

obviously mum wasnt happy with what i said.
she has this stupid thinking that our chinese must be as good as hers and forcing us to learn chinese related stuffs.
hello, your chinese is good, u love your chinese so much, u teaches chinese,
so what? that's your buisness.
it doesnt mean that our chinese must be good just because of these, and please stop forcing us to like chinese.
moreover literature is so much different from language.
almost totally different.
just like the stupid hcl i'm taking now, everything about lit, so damn difficult can.
everybody thought my chinese is so good, i'm so chee-na cuz i take hcl.
sorry, i got F for it.
and it's not like i love chinese so much, it's because i was FORCED to take chinese related subjects from young.
she never takes into considerartion of our interests at all,
just assume that we love chinese just like she do.
why cant she just understand?
i feel like telling her, "since u like chinese so much, why not emigrate to china and live there all your life?"

i dont want 'boi boi' to end up like me, i dont want her to regret.
i want her to go by her interest so i stood up for her.
in the end got scolded like dunno what.
the stupid woman started saying it's my fault that i got F9 for c.lit during O's cuz i didnt put in my haert to study.
i admit i didnt study very hard for it, but i'm not interested with it in the 1st place!
and please, that teacher sux big time, everybody agrees with that.
i rebutted that it was her who forced me to take that subject not caring if i'm interested.
she's so 'bu shuang' cuz i was like blaming her so she scolded even more.
i was damn pissed too so i rebutted every word she said.
she said parents have the right to choose for subjects combi for the chidren, if not the form wont have the part for parents signature.
so i said interest is more important.
she said interest can be developed and study is a responsibility.
sorry i dont agree with both and i wont study just because of responsibility.
until now i seriously dunno why am i and what am i studying for?
when i was young i studied because i dont want to get whacked by her.
she beat me up like dunno what when my results de-proved a little during pri sch.
maybe that's why i did very well for PSLE.
i was a freak then.
but after i entered st nics, she became too busy to care about me.
i felt so stupid to study because of her in the past.
i admit i turned bad and lazy, for 4 whole years.
i knew she was disappointed with my results so she's trying to 'control' me back now.
sorry, it's useless.
no way u gonna succeed.

i simply dont understand her, just like she dont understand me.
all parents want their chidren to get into science stream, best if can take 3 pure cuz it's supposely the 'smartest' class.
she's the exception, only she thinks that science stream is not good cuz she used to be an art student.
she dont understand the fact that we are not her!
she said everybody 'rush' to go science stream so it's hard to find jobs in the future.
so must choose a 'path' which people dont like to take.
what kind of stupid theory is that?
she's still blaming me for not choosing nyjc's art stream cuz she just love the chinese culture of the sch.
but i insisted of taking science stream so i came yj.
she said she gave me the 'freedom' to choose, yet i did so badly.
i insisted on taking physics and dropped econs, but i still failed my physics.
even failed maths, the subject i'm most 'interested' in.
she said she was very disappointed and she couldnt believe it.
well it's a fact that i failed all subjects, but i'm as disappointed too.
i know i didnt put in enough effort, but i'm already trying very hard now.
i'm already stressed enough, why cant she just understand?
she just think that it's all because i never listen to her and take art stream.
but only i know myself better!
it's not that i dont like arts subjects, but my strengh is at science subjects.
she just dont understand, i guess she never will.

she said she willl let 'boi boi' choose 3 pure if that's what she wants,
but if 'boi boi' dont do well, she will skin me instead of 'boi boi' cuz i'm the one who says interest is more important.
so it will become my fault again.
felt damn awful after the quarrel.
couldnt control the tears anymore when i was in my room.
plus all the current stress, i just broke down :'(
cried for a long long time.
stupid 'boi boi''s whole eyes turned red too, she keep saying "jie jie, dont cry. jie jie, dont cry!"
silly gal, why must u cry everytime i cry?
go ahead with your decision. if u think u can cope with 3 pure, just choose it.
jie jie will always support u.
i've 100% confidence in u, u are so hardworking, u can surely do well!
jia you for your coming end of year!
let's not care about that stupid 'empress'!

on cold war with mum now, dont feel like talking to her.
shall listen to 'boi boi' and study real hard.
the only way is to prove the 'empress' wrong and do well for my promos.
I CAN DO IT! *hopefully*

just got back from TOWN!
i cant believe myself.
promised not to step into town before promos is over.
and here i'm towning right after 1 day of papers!
GP papers and hcl paper1 today :(

so shagged after these language papers.
damn tedious and tiring.
guess i'm not gonna pass, haiz.
can i say i studied quite hard for hcl? but nothing i learnt came out!
thanks arh, especially to zhang lao shi.
she set something which she didnt include in those she asked us to study!
and she actually said it's our initiative to study the rest even if she didnt tell us!
what the hell!
arrgh.
forget it, what over is over!
just pray for the best *prays hard*

went town with xingling, soomei & siying!
we saw james lai on our way!
he's oh so dashing can! *ahhhhh*
siying & i cant stop staring! *melts*
but the way he walks is erm, a bit sissy i must say.
guess it's our luck to see him? hee.
we shop around PS for a while and then fish&co!
yammy yammy! i ate teriyaki salmon!
but i feel so sinful for eating so much! *feels bad*
xingling was the one who dated us to eat fish&co,
in the end she cant even finish her order
and we had to play 'zhong ji mi ma' to help her finish.
wahaha, damn lame but it's fun! :D
oh i actually took out my calculator to calculate the bill, so auntie can!
haha.
soomei said next time cannot bring me out, so malu-ating.
neh, too bad :p

after 'much' discussion, we decided to walk down to heeren.
and thanks to dear me, i took them on the wrong route.
they followed me to some underpass which led us to dunno where.
i was still joking that i was going to sell them off, then they said they were the ones going to sell me off.
in the end they still followed me blindly and tada, we got to some funny place.
then we had to walk one circle and came back to the outside of fish&co.
i actually took them to the wrong underpass!
they were scolding me like mad, haha.
i was laughing so hard that i couldnt stand up.
told u people i'm going to sell you off! ;p

walked down to heeren, need to digest after eating so much.
shopped along the way and at heeren.
was just chatting and crapping.
dont really have mood to shop today, so weird of me.
maybe i'm too broke, after fish&co somemore, even more broke now.
still must save up for n.y.d.c after promos! more shopping to come!
i cant wait for promos to be over!

thanks to the rest, we took train to marina cuz they wanted to get seats.
wasted my 25mins!
soomei, u owe me a meal, i dont care! :p

feels quite bad for slacking right after 1 day of papers.
shall study harder for the oncoming promos,
the keyword is SHALL.
no more towning until promos is over!
must control!
please dont tempt me!