parents...
sometimes i really wonder what are they for...

or maybe it's just that i dont think my parents are doing their full duty as parents.

beside providing for the family, for our education and our basic living,
what else do they do?
nothing much actually.
at least i cant think of many.
maybe they do love and care for us,
but definitely not enough.

why cant my parents be like other parents who can be more understanding and think of the interest of their children?
why do my parents always think of themselves 1st before sparing a thought for us?

all they know is to scold and nag at us when they know nothing about us,
they know nothing about how we feel and what we're going through.
they dont understand us yet they want us to understand them.
selfish adults.
haiz.

my sis wasnt well this morning but she still went for school and none of us know about it.
i received a call from her at 7plus saying that she was having stomach ache.
i was the 1st person she called cuz she knew i'll definitely go 'save' her no matter what happens.
but i wasnt in a clear mind yet (due to the drinking) and since she said go pick her up at 10am so i just replied "orh" and went back to sleep.
i'm so sorry but i was really tired...

her teacher asked her to call home at 8am, asking 1 of her family members to go pick her up from school.
mum was the one who picked up the call.
then she came into my room and said "eh your sis is having stomach ache, go to her school to pick her up."
hello, i knew my sis was sick before you knew it ok.
and you're her mum, why cant you go fetch her back?
the funny thing is,
when we call dad up,
he said he was having breakfast.
so why cant he take 2hours time off to fetch sis back?
none of them is willing to do it.

so i rushed down to pick my poor sis up from school and send her to the doctor.
and this darling of mine still can tell me "thanks jiejie, you're the best. sorry for disturbing your sleep."
yes i only had 4hours of sleep,
but what to do, i'm not gonna let my dear sis suffer.
i should have woke up when she 1st called me.
really sorry...

and my parents did nothing.
just like last year when my sis had food poisoning and kept vomitting,
my sis went crying to them but they were sleeping like dead logs.
in the end i was the one who cleared up her mess and stayed up the whole night to look after her.
and i only had 2hours of sleep that night.
what 'good' parents we've.

there is always a big distance between my parents and i.
i tried my best to 'pull' this distance nearer,
but end up my parents still 'cut the rope' and we 'drift away' again.
i really dunno what to do.

they're part of the cause of my bad mood some days ago.
i was feeling bad enough but they kept rubbing into it.
asking me sensitive questions and talked about sensitive topics.
maybe i cant blame them cuz they dunno anything,
they dont bother to know.
even if they know,
they wont understand and end up it'll still be my fault.

i wonder when will my parents' thinking be more modern,
especially my mum.
eh even china is more and more open now ok.
but i guess her old china thinking will never change.

i really feel like moving out to live myself when i get into university.
but 1st thing, i've no money and obviously my parents wont pay for me.
2nd thing, i cant leave my sis behind.
haiz.

i know my mum has been complaining about me to my dad and sis these days.
but do i look as if i care?
as long as i know i'm not what she says.
it's a matter of them trusting me or not.

but i really cant wait to 'fly out' of their 'cage' soon.
when can i have my freedom and their understanding...