14hours more...
like counting down to my death......

bad things keep happening.
especially today (eh i meant yesterday).
like some omen.
BAD SIGN!
:(

first thing when i started work not long,
wengster and adrian walked past counter when they were going for lunch.
then adrian was like "peishan why didnt you put any makeup? you look so pale! so not presentable! please go touch up!"
whatever la.
so i replied i wasnt feeling well and have no mood to put makeup.
wengster was clever enough, he said "she must be worried about tomorrow."
and both of them said "why worry, it's A level only what."
what A level only what.
if i cant get into university,
that's the end of me!

and ais also say i really look bad today, like i just woke up.
she says do service line must put makeup to look better and presentable,
a form of respect to the people we are serving.
but do you think i've the mood to bother about looking presentable now!!!
somemore is work pm shift, of cuz i dont wanna care.
but since adrian said so, i've no choice.
end up put on luxuan's foundation and blusher and lhea's lipstick.

i guess mum is right.
i always put too much makeup until now whenever i dont put makeup,
i look like ghost, so pale la.
and these few weeks my eyes itch very easily and i keep rubbing them until they swell up.
guess i put too heavy eyes makeup.
that's why now i'm trying to cut down!
when i can i'll try not to put makeup,
but end up i dont look presentable.
whatever la.
and i hate my skin colour now!
havent been out in the sun for too long,
i'm so fair now.
dont like!
i want back my tan skin!!!
aiya, no mood to talk about such stuff now la.

haiz.
so i worried the whole day while working.
super no mood and i was super tired.
plus the boring enviroment,
feel so much like dying.

and guess what,
i spilled the whole bottle of nail polish remover on the table.
was trying to remove my nail polish (mummy lhea brings her whole manicure set to the counter cuz it's her current obsess now) but i dunno what happened,
the bottle lid just burst out and eveything spilled out.
i dirtied the sony redemption forms la.
weng is so gonna kill me.
and i spolilt the company's stamp.
cuz the damn nail polish remover is strong,
not only the smell is strong, the chemical is also very strong.
the stamp's plastic cover actually sort of melted and corroded.
arrgh.
i'm such a trouble maker can.
haiz.

please dont tell me that's some signs of bad luck falling on me.

seriously, i really hate my life.
my life wasnt that great before.
so please, grant my this wish can?
i just wanna make it to university!
i know say anything now also no use,
my fate has already been decided...

sometimes i really wonder.
maybe i'm just such a failure.

everything in my life just seem to come and go.
i dont seem to be able to catch hold of anything.
especially my friends...
i'm no longer in contact with primary school friends,
secondary school friends are only left those few which we havent meet up for so long...
and i always thought i've my happiest school days in yj with the girls,
but i was still right with what i fear.
after graduation we still go our own ways.
people just disappear.
everybody have their own lives and things to busy with...
or maybe it's me that didnt make the effort in staying close with them...

lucky i still have my dearest sister.
she so super cute la.
she says she'll cab down from amk to yj to find me if i did very badly.
funny huh, just because i rushed down to amk that time when she cried so badly after getting her O level chinese result.
but i know she's sweet, love her lots.
just dont curse me!

and i dont want my life to pass just like that.
why cant i do some remarkable things?
haiz.