just as things were getting better,
just as my mood was getting better,
some things must go wrong to make my mood swing came back all over again.
haiz.

maybe i've to learn to accept the fact that things just dont turn out the way you want them to be.
am i expecting too much?
am i too demanding?
or am i too petty and unreasonable?

i dont know and i dont wish to know.
it's nobody's fault.
no point blaming ourselves or the other party.

but sometimes i just dont feel appreciated.
i dont know why the hell am i doing all those things for.
what do i get back in return?
maybe it's my fault that i actually expect something is return.
it's my fault that i let myself sink in deeper and deeper.

i just realise that i'm actually living in my own fairy tale.

i told myself that i'm not supposed to let this affect me or my life,
but it still did in the end.
i told myself that i'm not supposed to cry no matter what happens,
but today, i cried for the first time.

am i supposed to stop it?

i guess so.
before i sink deeper.

i should let myself be immune to such things.
i should re-prioritise all my things.
i should just get back to reality and live the hard way.

so be it.